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Self-discipline
Today was a light day, full of relaxation and delicious food. On days like this, especially since it is Saturday, I can find it really easy to not sit down to write here. However, I am self-disciplined. This discipline has sometimes been damaging to me because of how extreme I can be with commitments. At…
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A mirror is a reflection
A mirror is a reflection. This is something I have on my mind and heart today. I have been raging inside about people’s actions or lack of actions throughout my life. My body is bringing this up and through me, without my choice and so now I have to attend to it. My line of…
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Bodily rebellion
This morning I woke up with a headache. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. I have been feeling anxiety these last few days. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. I have been working more than usual this month. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. Coincidences? Maybe.…
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A letter to my mind
To my beloved mind… I remember reading once that asking you to stop thinking would be like asking my heart to stop beating. I would never do that, I want to be here. So … why does it feel this way with you my dear mind? Things that go on in there feel out of…
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On the one hand
Awh man I really do feel the pressure of words sometimes. And you know what else ? Proof. Proving things. And the paradox of life. On the one hand I am an investigator. On the other hand I have nothing to prove. On the one hand I am an inquirer. On the other hand I…
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Past Me
Past me was worried about money, so she took things on to ensure that it would come. That she could make it. Present me is tired. And has to live through past me’s decisions. Past me thought this would solve the problem. Present me knows the problem isn’t money, it is feeling lack. Or lack…
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Internal torture
Sometimes I feel an internal agitation, chaos and torture inside. I am reminded now of my work with entropy. I was talking about it. In 2022. Sometimes I just feel really uncomfortable. I have a desire to expand my capacity to sit with discomfort. And to be uncomfortable. In these times, it feels like there…
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Oh what a year it has been
2022. The unexpected. A life lived through solo eternity. A life lived through eternal longing self-acceptance and loss. Lots of loss. Pain with loss and grief that has been waiting to be felt. Letting go of things I thought were me. Letting go of things I thought were my life. Saying hello to parts of…
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Adulthood
I really want to connect this to my podcast because this is what I want to talk about on this week’s episode. We shall see. I came across a post today that someone said, ‘I am 21 now and I realize I am a fully-fledged adult.’ It struck me. 21 was just over 10 years…
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Whispers from little B
Awh little B, you are so sweet. This year, this holiday season, I am filled with mixed emotions. I am acknowledging how it feels time to truly give myself time to sit within the feelings, the pain, the confusion, now. This morning on my walk I was sifting through some of the incessant thoughts. These…
