2022.

The unexpected.

A life lived through solo eternity.

A life lived through eternal longing

self-acceptance and loss.

Lots of loss.

Pain with loss and grief that has been waiting to be felt.

Letting go of things I thought were me.

Letting go of things I thought were my life.

Saying hello to parts of me that I hadn’t seen

maybe ever before.

And saying hello to the parts of me that have died

and have been dead.

The hello led to the goodbye.

Being okay with that.

Realizing I am not okay.

And being okay with that.

Realizing that I am in love.

And being okay with that.

Realizing that I am not living like the way I thought I would.

And being okay with that.

A depth in the love of my self and my body.

Saying goodbye to identities that I worked really hard to upkeep.

Shatterings.

Venus.

Saturn.

Pluto.

Mars.

Sickness.

Isolation.

Croatia. Hrvatska. Reconnection. Longing. Passports. Life.

Tacos in Croatia were actually pretty good.

Fresh figs from a fig tree on a little island off of the coast of a little country where beautiful beautiful people live.

My country. Our land.

Reconnecting to my ancestry.

Not calling people.

Because sometimes I just can’t call.

Grandfather’s death.

My beloved grandfather, I was not ready for you to go.

I miss you so much that it hurts my heart.

I’m still not sure what our relationship was about.

Though it was love.

In my heart, it was always love.

Life this year … has been.

Never will it ever be again.

This year feels like a turning point for me.

I am walking away from much.

I am walking towards what I never have walked towards before.

I moved to a new place.

A place I had never been before but actually quite like.

Gorgeous really.

The unexpected.

The endings.

My body is speaking to me.

My career is morphing.

My relationships are dying.

My relationships are blooming.

People are here and people are leaving.

My relationship with me.

I feel like an adult in an adult body.

A youthful adult body.

A healthy adult body.

Learning a love of myself that I haven’t met in this way before.

This year I learned so much. I saw so much. I allowed so much. I let go of so much.

This year I found my heart. Reconnected to my heart. Felt my heart.

Layers of protection around my heart shattering. To reveal the tenderness, the gorgeousness, the humanness, the spaciousness.

For next year I call in my heart to the driver’s seat.

For next year I call in gentleness and patience.

For next year I call in my awareness to deepen as it wraps itself around every expanding moment, every expanding cell of my being.

To be in my life, in my body, in my days, in my presence, now.

And now.

And now.

In love.

Open heart.

In the drivers seat.

With life.

Oh what a year it has been.

And so it has.

And so it has.

And so it has.

Oh what a year it will be.

With heart as the driver.

And so it is.

And so it is.

And so it is.