What happens when I just want to break the seal? Rip the lid off the secrets?

Reveal the secrets of my heart and my life that have been eating away at me. I feel pressure. I want to feel liberated.

I want to liberate my truth. No one has asked or invited, but I feel I need to. So what happens then?

What about everyone else? My secrets include them.

My experiences include them. My grievances include them.

None of us is perfect. But what happens if some things are just … not okay to say? I need to say them.

How do I get them out without hurting anyone? Without hurting myself?

It’s easier to hurt myself than to get them out. Ouch.

That adds hurt to the hurt.

But I feel wronged, I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel angry, I feel bitter, I feel resentful, I feel failed, I feel left, I feel abandoned, I feel enraged, I feel grief.

Why do I have to explain myself to you?

Why do we have to explain our love and prove our love?

Why can’t you just know I love you?

Do I just know that you love me?

Do you love me? Even when you don’t see me, when I don’t call, when I’m not around. Do you?

I fear that you don’t so that is why I feel I need to prove that I love you.

Because what if you are thinking the same way?

Yes. What if you are thinking the same way? My bet is that you are, because where else did I learn this from?

So I don’t know what to do now. I am not sure what to do next. I don’t want to prove anymore.

I want to be liberated from that pressure and just love you. I want to express it in my own way and not feel it has to be a certain way or it doesn’t count.

Please let it be that way.

Desperation for liberation. Sometimes I feel it.

Ouch.

And I love you still.

Do I love me? Do I feel worthy of love? Why am I so afraid?

Whew.

I sigh. I feel better for now. Thank you.

I love you.