the air is real

On Friday I was given the gift of sight. Seeing. To see.

Really seeing things. Things that exist whether I see them or not you know? But what happened was … I learned how to really see them. I didn’t realize how blurry daily life can be until I took a moment to really see.

What incited this? Breathing. As I took a moment in my favorite place, I allowed my breath to fill me. Not my breath, just breath simply. Oxygen. Can we own our breath? Or is it always borrowed?

I was breathing. Take me back to my breath. As I did that I realized – the air is real. The air is just as real as everything else is. Everything that we can see is as real as air. Everything that we can feel is as real as what we can see. If I need air to live then it must be real.

So if it is, then I am doing a disservice to it’s existence by not seeing it. Now I didn’t realize this at the time, but that’s the beauty of this writing. Its reflective in nature.

I opened my eyes, after no more than a minute of silence, breath and awareness. And I could see EVERYTHING. So clearly. Because I could see the air. And how air defines the edges of everything else that exists in the world around us.

Everything is real and everything is an illusion. I think that’s the way it works.

Just because you can’t “see something” doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. That experience, through breath and clear sight, has brought me back here.

Because I was reminded of how beautiful the feeling is when I sit here writing to my community in the air. I cannot see you but I know you exist. And you exist fully, as a whole self, a whole life. Defined by boundaries with things that we can and cannot “see”.

It makes me feel brave again. It makes me want to share again. Without the blur.

Talk soon,

B-

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#SundayStories Finding myself… back here.

Oh wow. Have I been through a quiet storm this week.

Quiet only in the sense that it has worked like wildfire –

slowly and silently measuring the environment

until the time was right for everything to burn away.

 

 

They catch everything. The embers.

And you?

Watch as the branches fall and trunks

go up in flames.

 

 

Watch as the smoke billows and wonder

will you see anything through that smoke.

Will it ever clear?

 

 

Behind that is a mirror.

 

 

Ashes and dust.

I can’t see myself.

But I know I’m not there.

 

 

Maybe everything was burning up.

 

 

So I let it rain down on me.

Please. I have nothing.

 

 

A blank slate, a blessing in disguise.

Hand me a cloth.

Mop it up or let it soak

into the ground.

 

 

Water builds a good foundation.

A strong foundation. Fertile. Ripe

with tears.

Is this something for you or something

for me?

 

 

The dust settles down. But the smoke

rises up.

Which is the essence? The matter?

Which do we worship?

 

My god the ashes. They are everything that ceases to be.

But the smoke? Is everything that lives on.

 

 

Wishing you all a restful and peaceful Sunday. Sending out a hug today for everyone who needs it. Especially because I know I could do with a few in return.

Talk soon,

B-

 

#SundayStories FRiNGE FRiNGE FRiNGE FRiNGE

I believe people should be able to go where they please. 

As a human race, we are all just renting space on this Earth,

so who are you to tell me, where I can and can’t live?

I want to be able to go where my heart desires and stay

for as long as I want.

What am I supposed to do when my time is up

and I have to leave the place I call home?

Home is not about where your passport is from.

Home is a feeling.

And I should be able to decide where my home is.

Not people who sit behind a desk in an office

making decisions about people’s lives as if we’re

just numbers.

If I want to go somewhere and build my home life,

I should be free

to do so.

How did humans become the landlords of the Earth?

Thank you Limerick Fringe for programming RAVENOUS. I knew I wasn’t done with this piece yet. Thank you Gary Clarke for an amazing summer experience where I had the opportunity to dance for my soul.

Thank you to the people who performed RAVENOUS with me, for sharing the journey and for listening to me cry as I read this aloud to you.

Thank you most humbly to everyone who exchanged their humanity with me through watching me perform this piece, and this solo.

And thank you, Universe, for creating a place that makes me feel like home.

Talk soon,

B-

#SundayStories Oh mannnn if you’re facing your fears then why are you still scared?

My mirror is smudged.

Can I see it anymore?

Nobody sees in me what I know is in me. Nobody wants to help me make it.

Write about my work?

What is that world –> PRESENCE

Feeling, Sensation -??

Judgement- Language

So language – I want to take a back seat to feeling and sensation.

So everything – defined by language – is a judgement.

A statement or decision about something.

Define judgement: Judgement?

How can we describe something without

Does everybody think this much? Feel crazy inside?

Reality. What does reality even mean? The outer life. The inner life. The innard life.

The peace that comes with April 1st was soooo welcomed this morning.

Have I stopped listening? So what happens when we stop listening?

Sometimes I feel tortured.

YES

Is it true that I feel a slave to my mind?

Is it true that my friends don’t care about me? Is it true taht I don’t know what I want? Is it true that I’m wasting my time? Is it true that there’s no money for me? Is it true? Is it true that I don’t know myself? Is it true that I am afraid of people? Is it true that I am not confident? Is it true? Is it true that I’m not going to fit in here? Is it true that I’m broke?

Because I am afraid it is true. Is it true?

I feel so sensitive about things and what people say to me.

Inside myself is fear and self-sabotage that I want to release. And replace with growth in what I really know.

I am brilliant.

#SundayStories Trust and Allow

March is coming to an end. I listen to this podcast and it’s called Tarot for the Wild Soul. It’s amazing and every month she puts up a Monthly Medicine reading, with a mantra for the month. March is trust and allow.

This month has been wild. But there is something that is coming back to me. A feeling that I had when I was a kid that I am so happy to be reconnected with. Do you ever get this feeling… basically like a realization coupled with complete excitement. A realization that you have absolutely NO idea what could be coming around the corner and then just like being completely enthralled because that means that ANYTHING could happen. A positive take on the unknown really… I always used to feel like this when I was young. I just used to sit there and thing oh my goodness anything could happy in the next minute… literally anything because I can’t predict or control it.

This brings me back to trust and allow. Because I think for the longest time, out of fear of myself and other things. A lot of fear actually. I was on control and construct. Basically thinking that if I could just get a handle on my life I could control it and make it what I wanted it to be. Could I have been more wrong? LOL I don’t know. But it is actually so far away from what makes me feel like myself that I have to stop. This month’s mantra of trust and allow has really helped me to see that because it’s just another situation in the face of duality. We can either be afraid or enthralled. We face the unknown every day. Artists in particular have to face the unknown in many ways because of a general willingness to let the balls juggle in the air before settling.

So I will always have to face the unknown right? We all will really. In the micro-sense and the macro-sense. We just do not know what will happen in our lives next year or even in the next second (there is a catch I think … more on that later). So if that is the case then I am facing the unknown and calling it life. In this life I can choose to face that and to trust and allow it to come or to control it and construct it. I choose trust and allow now. I can be afraid of what that means or I can be completely excited by the fact that it actually means ANYTHING.

I used to do this naturally. I would get so excited about the fact that I actually had no idea how brilliant this life could be that I would get tears in my eyes. And it would happen to me so much that I feel like it happened all the time when I look back on my childhood haha1 So now I just think that it’s time for me to embrace that again because I can feel it coming back. Here’s the catch – to be able to be aware of this stuff I think you just have to be here right now. Otherwise if I let myself drift away from right now, then perhaps I can use that drifting to control what happens in the next moment.

This past week I have been slowly making the shift. There is a voice inside us all – our soul’s voice right? And they are constantly whispering waiting for us to listen. I started listening this week. Once every day I have had something come through and I have done something differently to what I had planned. That is what happened in simplest form. But the crazy thing is the way I felt when I followed what I heard. Never have I felt so calm or sure that what I was doing was the right thing for me to be doing. Monday I found myself in Brooklyn at 12 pm taking class at Mark Morris Dance Group when what I had planned to do was sit on my computer and work for the afternoon and then take class at 630 pm. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong about that and so when I had a minute to listen I was called to follow a different plan.

Then I was able to go to Top of the Rock with my love and her family. Because I was already in the city. The day just happened, just like that. And it was a brilliant day!

So there was something about that, that has reconnected me with how freaking exciting it actually is that we have no idea what’s coming around the corner. So don’t get to caught up in planning because it just takes up space in our now. If I think about it, why would I fill my right now with yesterday and tomorrow?

Would you, if you had the choice?

Talk soon,

B-