Past me was worried about money, so she took things on to ensure that it would come. That she could make it.

Present me is tired. And has to live through past me’s decisions.

Past me thought this would solve the problem.

Present me knows the problem isn’t money, it is feeling lack. Or lack of wanting to feel feelings.

Past me protected present me by creating busy-ness. Busyness. Is that a word?

Not business. Busyness. Present me doesn’t want either really.

Present me has big huge feelings to feel. Present me wants to allow life to come to her. Present me wants to embrace all that is here.

All that is here includes the fruits of past me’s decisions. So now present me has to embrace that too.

Present me is resisting embracing that too because present me doesn’t want this to be in my present moment.

Doing things as a means to an end. Past me seems to think that present me will be okay with it. Present me isn’t okay with it.

Expanding my capacity for being in discomfort includes moments like this where I am living out a decision past me made. Past me and present me are way more in union now than they were. Thank goodness.

Whenever the fear takes over and past me makes decisions from a place of fear or lack instead of following her bliss, present me pays for it.

By learning to expand into discomfort. But is it necessary?
Not always. Blissful past me can still lead to uncomfortable present me.

This is okay.
However, less than blissful past me leading to uncomfortable present me leads to bitterness.

Resentment.

I am learning.
Love.