My ears are bothering me. There is a conflict within my body. It feels like a healing. The symptoms are showing up because I am healing now.

Healing from what I didn’t hear. Healing from what I did not hear.

And healing from not having the chance to be heard.

It really hurts. To not have been told something that I feel I should have been told.

I know I have to let it go. I know that this is where I am heading. But I also feel that on my way there I have to feel how it feels.

So I’ve been doing that. I’ve been feeling how it feels. Sometimes it surprises me because I’ll have a few good days and then I am overcome again by grief over this.

How could they not tell me? Us?

The hardest part about forgiveness is feeling like by forgiving I am allowing my story to be untold.

So then it can be easy for people to pretend like it doesn’t exist.

Part of me doesn’t want to give up that power. But it’s false power maybe. Because it is hurting me to hold on to this hurt and anger of betrayal.

Who will validate my truth then? If I let it go, who will be there to say, “yes that was really wrong and I am so sorry that this was your experience?”

Who?

Me. Eventually. I want it to be me.

No one else has ever done it for me and people around me have not set an example of validating themselves. So it will take time, but it’s me. It has to be me.