My body has been giving me signals, especially through my body temperature, of what feels safe and not safe.

It is confusing to me a lot of the time.

Especially because I feel like I am conditioned to have my signals mixed up.

So now it sometimes feels like, what feels “safe” isn’t actually what is good or right or desirable or correct for me.

Mostly the part about it being correct, but it’s still confusing sometimes.

I start to sweat when I spend too much time on the computer. That’s my theory.

Okay actually the signals aren’t mixed but the habits are messed up.

Because I know what is correct… time outside with my bare feet on the grass for example – makes my body feel regulated.

So I do that. Then I will come inside and sit on the computer or phone working and I’ll start sweating. Not always but sometimes.

I don’t know how to get where I am going with this except to just jump to the punch line and say that I am realizing that it doesn’t feel safe in my head to feel regulated, warm, not sweaty. It doesn’t feel safe in my head to rest, unless I am going to sleep for the night.

The things that make me feel good are things that I feel I sabotage. Out of fear of change. Even before writing this I was feeling perfectly fine and I went to scroll on my phone and other different apps to stimulate the response. I started sweating and now here I am!

It’s wild. I have been working on this for years now. Nervous system regulation. It feels really important to me. What I’ve learned so far has changed the quality of my life.

I want it to feel safe. I deserve to feel regulated.

It’s okay.

That’s what I keep telling myself. It’s okay.

I am on the path and it’s okay.