Am I going through the motions or being present in the moment? Going with the flow or riding the wave?

It felt surreal to be on the plane all night. And when we landed in Dublin this morning I felt … weird. I usually feel relieved and excited and so many things, that’s just naming a couple. But today I felt nothing. So I don’t think I actually felt weird but I only felt weird in retrospect or in absence of feeling other things I used to feel. So that’s it. I felt nothing but also because of that I have a feeling that this is one step closer to feeling everything – as in every single second – the presence of the present.

I felt nothing but also nothing stopped me then from being here. With me.

The line for customs was long. But luckily I had some reading material. It was a long message from a caring and loving friend. The message stirred up a lot for me and today, until now, I felt the dust has been settling. So what has started to come through, written in the dust reminds me that what we feel and what we interpret are different.

Feeling present and being present are different than labelling what we are feeling in order to understand it, inevitably in the past.

So in my bed on my own tonight, I am left with this and it’s a start.

I should also mention that this friend is not the only friend who reached out to me just to see how I am doing. So thank you to all of the beautiful people, who felt my message. It was for us.

B-