to drop, you know?

Through all of the suffering, a lot of beautiful life force energy has been emerging within me and catapulting out into my life.

I am still in deep hibernation, but as days continue I am feeling more and more at home within myself.

I am aligning with a path of contributions in service to the world (work) that feel really good and supportive right now.

I am taking time to be with myself, honor myself and feel or meet with what is here for me when things arise.

I have been blessed with an amazing invitation to consider.

And so things are really blossoming for me.

I have felt this pattern in the past for me of waiting in silent worry because there’s no way it can keep getting better.

There is so much to unpack with this notion.

I feel sad that I feel this way. I know that I have a healthy balance of curiosity and inquiry and pessimism within me, however I feel that it has gotten ingrained as an outlook on life that has bogged me down.

I have cycled through and spiraled through this before. Many times. I feel scared of the bubble being burst and me falling down the rabbit hole like Alice in Wonderland just plummeting back down to the bottom again and feeling completely crap like I once did.

I also have a knowing within me that it’s not possible because there is no going back.

I somehow learned that periods of contraction were bad so they became the equivalent of the other shoe dropping, as I would fight and resist the whole way.

Now I know that contraction is a counterpart to expansion. Entropy to beauty. Creativity needs its muse in the void.

So it’s okay.

There’s still some residue and I still feel the fear creeping up.

However, I have become really good at witnessing my mind. Much better than before.

As opposed to living within my mind as if it were my only truth and reality.

I am so glad. It’s probably a millimeter of space. But I am sooooo glad for the space. To be able to watch. To witness. To let it play out, inside my mind. And know that I don’t have to act on any of it.

Sweetness.

So it’s different and I am able to see that. Two blessings in and of themselves.

Are both shoes on the ground already? Maybe.

I am learning so much. Life is really providing for me. Always has been I bet. Still working on seeing and believing that last part. I feel the truth of it though.

Alright that’s enough for now.