That’s it. Walking into the unknown. Today I did a job that I knew that I could do and do well, but I’ve never done it before. And today all day I learned new things that somehow I felt like I already knew when I learned them (some of them anyway). So what it is about walking into the unknown that really scares us?

Me. I should just say me. It scares me. I don’t know if it scares you. But it scares the living (rhymes with spit) out of me. If I really think about it, my biggest fear is dying. I am afraid to die. Why? I kept asking myself why… and the reason is because we actually have no idea what it’s like. It’s completely unknown.

Blahhhhhhhhhh that is freaky isn’t it ?!

But sometimes in life, we can walk into the unknown and embrace it completely. When I have that feeling I think it’s just like I said up there – it’s like I actually already knew it. Feels like… not so unknown in the doing. But really feels unknown in the anticipation or the preparation.

When it doesn’t exist yet it feels unknown. But the second something begins to exist – a thought or an experience or anything really – then the unknown-ness of it just seems to transform into knowing-ness. Are those words? Can you just really make up your own word in the English language by adding a -ness to it?

Sunday-ness. Today has a lot of Sunday-ness. lol what. Anyway I just think that talking about the unknown is really a relief for me because it is one of those things that also can be hard to talk about. Because in a way it’s almost indescribable. It’s that indescribable fear that you don’t have a reason for but you fear it so much, more than anything. It’s the unknown.

I think about all the times that I can express my feelings – very clearly – of fear. It’s not hard for me to admit that I’m scared of something or scared to do something.

But what is rare is my ability to articulate what it is… other than my saying that I’m scared because “I don’t know…”. I add on any number of unknowns that add to my overall fear of just not flipping knowing what the FLIP is going to happen in a certain turn of events.

Well this is why people seem to recommend being here right now… right?

What is there to be afraid of if you are just here right now and only doing what you’re doing right now.

Well basically there s everything to be afraid of in that – because the safety of what’s “known” and “comfortable” disappears the second you decide to commit WHOLLY to everything that is happening right now. Once you do that you relinquish any attachment to knowing what might happen next based on what happened before now.

What a sticky peanut butter with no jelly sandwich. That is sticky man. So sometimes I want a little jelly. And actually the jelly of life is where right now resides. I think anyway.

So how about a jelly sandwich?

I’ve been up since 530 am today.

But it’s Sunday and Sunday is my favorite day of the week. It’s the day that I purposefully set time aside to share and to write and to let my stories flow from my fingertips – from my heart really. I learned in class a few days ago that the nerves up in your thoracic spine are the ones that connect directly to your arms – and that the nerves of your heart connect to your arms. Something like this. I should fact check myself. But the point is that your heart is connected to your arms in a very direct way through our biology. So basically if i just let these words flow out without allowing myself  the time to ponder or to feel like I really have to share something profound, then I type from my heart.

That feels important. Especially in an instance like this where I will say that I felt like I had no idea what I was doing today but also every idea that I knew exactly how to do it and I was able.

How funny is that – I had no idea. Never done it before in my life. But there’s something about knowing yourself that allows you to determine – if you give yourself enough space – whether you know that you can do something or not.

So it’s another duality. Known versus unknown. The scale of one is only defined in its relation to each other.

What happens if the both disappear?

We can just be here I suppose right?

Talk soon,

B-