So just stop stopping.

 

I put up the paper again today after months of not having it up. I’m not sure why I do that to myself.

 

I went into the studio today even though with the way I felt – previously I would have just decided not to go. It made everything better. Temporarily better, but better nonetheless.

Then the shower. Now the paper is back up and the paints are out.

The music is on and I am here on this keyboard.

 

Why do I stop? I know I am meant to create, to share, to express, to tell stories, paint stories, dance stories, express humanities, exercise energies.

I know it.

Do you ever just cry for a minute?

Only a minute.

I bet we all did when we were children. I know I did.

I do now as well but for a long while I wouldn’t. So then when I would cry it would be for hours and hours.

Built up inside ya know?

To the point where it gets so painful to hold it in that it all comes out.

That is a pattern in my life and I want it to stop because I will tell you this right now – I don’t want to be like that with my art.

I am accepting what it means to be an artist.

Write without thinking. Paint without thinking. Dance without thinking.

 

Is art made without thinking? I’m not sure.

Well no of course not. Thinking though – that kind of thinking that makes my art – it’s not the same kind that makes my decisions. I wish it was. Because the kind of thinking that makes my art is guided by everything within and out of me. Guided by the thin veil between spirit and external world.

That’s what we are. A veil between the spirit and the external world.

You ever seen a bride wear a veil? She can still see everything outside through it and everything outside can still see her.

Exactly.

So can my thinking be nothing more than a veil through which I see and the world sees me? A VERY THIN ONE PLEASE.

Not a brick white sack over my face lol.

My body tells me when something is bothering me. Now I just need to know the difference between the stimuli.

So stop stopping yourself from doing what you know is for you.

And stop doing things that make you sweat when you aren’t supposed to be sweating lol #stress.sweat

Talk soon eh?

B-