Sometimes I feel like you all failed.

Sometimes I feel like I was deceived.
Sometimes I feel like you lied.
Sometimes I want to hate you.
Sometimes I want to cry.

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I can’t believe how we got here.
Sometimes I am reminded of how I could see it so clearly.

Sometimes hindsight is 20/20.

Sometimes hindsight makes things blurry.

Sometimes I reminisce on the old days, holidays and birthdays past.

Sometimes I want it back. Sometimes I really want it back.

Sometimes I wish things were different.

Sometimes I really wish I could tell you how I feel and what I see.

Sometimes I wish you’d just ask me.

Do you ever notice me?

I mean do you ever … really… notice me?

Or am I just there to make you feel better?

Do you just need me to prove to everyone that you did alright?

So you keep those photos up there. And you let everyone think it’s alright.

Well it’s not alright.

Because I am not okay.
My heart is hurting.

And I know yours is too.
Sometimes that seriously hurts me.
Sometimes it hurts me so much that I forget about me.

And by sometimes I mean nearly every time until now.

Sometimes I wonder how it took me so long.

But then I see we are all doing it at the same time and some are really not.

So sometimes I feel the blessing of Grace.

Sometimes, but not a lot.

I open myself up more to this Grace.
Sometimes I believe it can happen for me and for all of us.

To know love without having to show it. And to show it because we want to.

Me loving me and you simultaneously. That’s what I intend to do.

Sometimes I do it.
Sometimes I have done it.

Sometimes I realize I have a ways to go.

But here we are. Connected intricately. Despite the gaps and cracks and lies and twists and turns.

Sometimes it feels okay.
And I love you still.