I’m feeling overwhelmed today. It was such a high this morning and now I feel like I’m on such a low. Too much. Too much too much, too too much. So I turned to the screen in a different way – turning to the screen in an internal way – this is the only form of cyber activity that allows me to go internal without withdrawing. It allows me to seek and to find and to embrace and unravel the inner workings of my internal landscape without having to feel like I need to be completely bare or feeling like I am completely disconnected from the medium through which I am engaging.
I noticed my breath changed as soon as I opened up the tab and typed in wordpress.com. I noticed that I felt more space. Sense of time suspended. Less pressure to get things done and to do things because somehow so long as I “get this done” in terms of this writing I am doing now, then I feel I have done everything for the day. There are certain things that fulfill me deeply and completely. And they are the stuff of my dreams.
What are your recurring dreams is the question I am on now. I also have added a new prompt to the bottom – so these I will continue to work through. Yes.
So … what are my recurring dreams? Well here’s the thing – recently I learned that Dreams are the stuff of the night. Daydreams are the stuff of the day. Obviously LOL – but here’s the context – I have been working through the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali. I am reading a translation and commentary by Sri Swami Satichananda. Reading through this has offered me context about how I define things for myself.
Everything comes from somewhere. I used to question everything … now I question somewhere.
Where is the place that all my everythings are coming from? I learned through the Sutras that there are 5 options basically… the 5 modifications of the mind. I need to pause this though… BECAUSE…
So dreams – they are connected to memories. This is through the Sutras. It says that memories come in two ways – during the night in sleep as dreams and during the day as daydreams.
Wow. So are all my daydreams and dreams actually memories of things past? How does this work… right? How?
Well here’s the thing – I can question that, I can question everything. Or I can question where I get everything from. That is what brings me back to the 5 modifications of the mind. One is right knowledge. Which comes from direct perception, inference or scriptural teachings.
So … it’s time to start questioning where these things come from… I have dreams yes but where do they come from?
Some of the dreams come from a source that is not scriptural, nor is it my direct perception or inference. Some of these dreams come from wrong perception, come from painful perception come from some other modifications that are not pure.
Ugh it’s a lot. I want to make sense of it all but I’m not in a sense making place right now. I’m in a place where I feel like the words need to fall out and they are just falling out of these fingers right now they are just dripping out and then some jumping out and others are creeping and crawling their way out. Some also feel like they are dragging their way out and even dragging their way back in like holding on almost as if they don’t want to come out.
I have a lot of dreams. I used to have a LOT of daydreams. Loads. But now I feel like I don’t. I feel distress in my body right now. I feel that I have become impatient with my dreams as if they aren’t allowed to exist because they haven’t come true. But what if they are memories?
Where does the definition of “dream” come from? See… what is the somewhere? What is the somewhere that I draw my context for what dreaming is… I honestly feel like I have the context of dreaming in my head as 1. something that you experience when you sleep (which I feel like I almost never remember) or 2. some sort of goal or hope that you have for your life
So when I read that all memories are dreams – I feel like my somewhere meter is ticking and it’s going off saying… wow the place where you received the information you currently hold in your beliefs may not resonate as deeply as what you are reading now. Hmmm B.
So yes. Seeing dreams as memories and vice versa holds way more space for things to exist as they do. Every dream already exists… it has already happened at some point.
I like that. I want that because it relieves pressure.
I feel time pressure, space pressure, breath pressure, internal and external pressure. I wonder if the pressure comes through these words. Sometimes I feel like I can see it in the letters as I type these keys and press down quickly and sharply to get these letters and words out of my mind.
This morning I had the experience of leading two yoga classes. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and am delighted about it. That fulfills me deeply and fully.
Daydreams that I have recurrently seem to be a little bit like nightmarish memories coinciding with fears that history will repeat itself.
Night dreams I have recurrently – well there’s one I’ve had and it has been two aspects of the same idea. A lover. Someone that I actually know. In my dream though she is my lover – the first one that happened felt more like a physical lover and the second one felt more like an emotional and quality time type lover. The first time basically was crazy intensely sexual and the second time she felt like my girlfriend.
Was a little bit wild especially because of knowing exactly who this person is and wondering if I am supposed to do anything about it.
I want to tap into the store of abundant memories that I have. Abundant dream/memories. Dream = memory. That is something that will take processing but processing that I want to do because I want to expand my mind to embrace it.
Daydreams apart from the ^^ nightmarish things I mentioned also feel like maybe they aren’t dreams so much as thoughts that feel packed with desire to the point of desperation. I feel maybe I don’t allow enough space for daydreaming anymore.
Wow.
Space. Mars is in retrograde. Space and time and saying no and carving it out. Also I have been integrating new practices into my life. It’s felt amazing but maybe today it feels like a lot. I am putting something out into the world on Thursday. Maybe that feels like a lot too.
I hope it goes well. I am nervous and excited about it. I have daydreams about that actually. OMGSH… (oh my gosh)
So LOL ugh what was I going to say. This is what happens when I look away for a minute… please daydreams… I was having daydreams about … YESSSS YES okay!
So basically I have daydreams when something is aligned for me. Oh my goodness this is an actual epiphany coming out of my fingertips right now. After this I have to go for a walk. Alright so basically – if an opportunity presents itself to me and it’s right, usually pretty shortly after I accept it or in the process of being guided to accept it… ANDDD after I do accept it until it happens – I have very strong visions of myself doing that thing. Like actual DAY. DREAMS. of me in that thing doing the thing and how I’ll do it and what I’ll say etc etc etc. It’s so vivid and so flashy and so clear.
And I suppose I never realized it until now but I could see it. And I was being guided to accept that this was aligned and meant for me and I deserve it.
I wonder if it works the other way – that if I am not having daydreams about those things then they are not aligned for me? Hmmm that is curious and interesting to me.
Since I started my Ayurvedic protocol my body temperature regulation has been so much easier. I haven’t really felt a need to regulate my body temperature because it seems as though things have evened out. This past week I’ve been going a little mental with the routine and falling out of it a bit. I am feeling the affects of that today. I’ve been freezing but sweating all day. That used to be a common occurrence for me. But now it’s quite rare. Today I feel it.
I am starting my astrology certificate next week. Course 1. Wow. I am excited for that. I suppose I had an expectation that things would be a little more settled by now than they are. Yeah.
That’s a recurring daydream – expectations. LOL. The nightmarish kind.
I am willing to release any and everything that no longer serves. Including expectations. Including daydreams that come from the somewhere’s that do not serve me.
Dreams … that’s a different story. I feel less consciously involved in that. I haven’t played the piano in a while. Things come and they go. That is for sure.
More time for daydreaming. More prayer for dreaming.
Talk soon,
B-
** Photo taken by me of the beautiful Hilton Head, SC, USA.
Octavia’s Parables :Parable of the Sower Podcast
What is your relationship to the stars?
What is your relationship to change?
What is your positive obsession?
What are your recurring dreams?
What am I being invited to come home to within myself?
How can I fully embrace this homecoming?
What am I being invited to release in order to do this?
What is supporting me in this sacred work?
Where am I on my Soul’s journey at this moment?
How am I being asked to be of service at this time?
Consider what you’d like to learn about yourself through this retrograde and set an intention to do so.
Watch what makes your blood boil, what makes you want to take shortcuts, and watch yourself when you want to take on extra projects.
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