What is your relationship to change?

This now… this is something that I feel like I could write about forever and also could write about with one word really.

Contant. Commitment. Acceptance. Acknowledgement.

Surrender. Release judgements. Guarantee.

Change is a guarantee. Stagnant living is fear. I feel like this is a huge question. This is inspired by the first episode of the Podcast entitled Octavia’s Parables – where they discussed this idea that was introduced in the book of change being God.

Change is God.

That really stuck with me and it hit me deeply. Because I believe that people are change.

And I was able to commit words to it – those exact words ^^ to it, when I was introduced to this idea that Change is God.

Even if we think of nothing else but a cellular level – we are CONSTANTLY changing. I am aging. As we speak. We all are.

And so that … that is a guarantee. That we are constantly changing.

My relationship to change however has certainly been rocky and has also certainly been one of different access points and levels of intimacy/familiarity.

Familiarity with change is also a funny thing because if it’s constantly changing then how can you really feel familiar with it right? It’s the idea of change but not the substance of change that I feel I have different levels of familiarity with … or I should say increasing levels of familiarity. Then the substance of that change varies and it’s always new.

I like to think that I accept changes in my life pretty well. But then I look back and there have definitely been times where I have wanted to control a situation so badly because I was flipping scared that allowing it to unfold in a way that my mind’s eye hadn’t already seen would lead me to something worse than what I could see.

Lack of faith.

What is the relationship of change to faith? I feel that an inverse relationship could cause change to be harder to swallow and the opposite would be harmonious.

I’ve been watching Anne with an “E” on Netflix. I think a lot about what life must have been like in the 17 and 1800s. I wonder about if I was meant to be living then. I wonder about if I actually did because I am so deeply interested in and connected to that time in many ways. Mostly through books and TV shows.

But I just love it – there is something so simple and regal about living simply as they did. Living with what was at their fingertips. Constantly changing but not changing so fast as things feel like they are changing now.

I think that I want to separate change in the material world from change in the internal landscape.

Change in the internal landscape feels like… divine guidance. Change in the material world doesn’t always but maybe they are one in the same. I’m not sure now. I am just pondering it really. But change in the internal landscape also seems to happen at a different relationship to time… almost like no relationship at all to time or something.

Time, age, change. Those are things … not even things… those are forces to grapple with in this human life. Forces for me to grapple with in this human life. Time was a big one for this past decade as I mentioned before. Now it feels like age. Altogether it feels like change.

Regulating different elements of my reaction and involvement with change – which is something that cannot and will not regulate itself. Change is God.

It’s like a neuron – it’s either firing or it’s not. There is no in between. There are different frequencies but it either has expressed itself or it hasn’t. The scale only applies in the active realm. It applies to firing. There is no scale of “not firing” – not firing is zero.

It’s been hard for me to find zero sometimes. I am interested. I think that’s why I love yoga so much. It feels like the process of finding zero in the mind, body and senses. So that everything can emerge… is emerge the right word? Perhaps it’s more like… so that everything can be.

That’s it. So that everything can be. LOL I was going to write something else and my fingertips just stopped typing. My fingertips are correct in this instance I feel.

Why don’t I like change? Change has had a negative connotation at times for me. I think ultimately there is the underlying belief that change is scary and therefore bad. That scary is bad as well. It’s not.

Things are. I am fortunate to have a relationship in my life with an accountability partner who is studying to become a yoga teacher. I am supporting her in her journey. Through it I am blessed to have many amazing conversations about yoga.

Today – I heard myself say that concepts and words can exist without judgements and connotations. So – can change exist without judgements and connotations? Yes. Because actually it does. And our lenses color our perspective. Cleaning the lens – that is yoga.

Cleaning the lens?

That is what I want for myself.

 

Talk soon,

B-

**Photo taken by my beautiful friend Maggie Hawruk.

 

Octavia’s Parables :Parable of the Sower Podcast

What is your relationship to the stars?

What is your relationship to change?

What is your positive obsession?

What are your recurring dreams?

 

Tarot for the Wild Soul:

What am I being invited to come home to within myself?

How can I fully embrace this homecoming?

What am I being invited to release in order to do this?

What is supporting me in this sacred work?