Gosh.

Goodness.

Goodness gracious ouch.

I didn’t know what it would really be like to miss you.

Not like I do now.

I remember things.

I remember things.

I remember things and I am so glad I remember things.

I remember you told me… “if you fall on your ass we’ll be there.”

I remember that.

And now I am realizing what an absolute blessing it was to receive that from you.

Because I know you meant it.

I have never felt like that.

The way I felt when you said that to me.

Thank goodness I remember those things.

Because I miss you so much I feel physical pain.

I picked up my phone today, typed your name into it.

I wished so badly, so deeply, that I could text you to tell you that.

That I am so grateful to have known a love from someone who really was there for me.

You never missed my birthday.

That matters to me.

You never forgot me.

And I, you.

Through this pain and these tears that sometimes feel they will never stop.

I won’t forget you.

I love you so much.

I am grieving you almost as deeply as I love you.

I miss you so much.

I wish it wasn’t such a nightmare, how we lost you.

I am glad we had some time.

Thank you for that.

And thank you for saying you wanted to spend New Years together.

I probably would have loved that.

Instead I had to say goodbye to you.

I was in shock.

I think we all broke that day.

You were so special.

You were so special to me.

I was so happy to see how you were feeling more comfortable to be yourself

and show the world how funny and silly and joyful and full of life you were.

Thank God for you my guardian angel.

I love you.