A flash of thought came through earlier during my yoga class. It’s not fully formed in this moment, I couldn’t completely hold on to it when it came through.

I have been repeatedly contemplating how my mind has set up its patterns to protect me from feeling my feelings. That’s the whole gist of these flashing thoughts. All the ways that I have developed mental traps and habits to protect myself throughout my childhood.

It feels like … constant mental activity and changing of subjects inside the head and lying to myself.

What the mind tells me it is… it isn’t. It isn’t just those things. It’s something deeper than those things.

I want to get to it. So badly. It feels desperate. Truly agonizing. I feel trapped sometimes. And other times I don’t even notice it. The times of not noticing are getting less and less. The times of desperation had gotten more and more.

But now… now I am experiencing less of both and something else arising. Feelings. Noticing feelings. Feeling them. It’s not as often as I want because I recognize now how much energy is released from feeling them. It’s flipping powerful.

So the desperation builds around wanting to free up the energy. I can’t rush it.

I know this.

I know this.

This I know.

And so I go.

Continuing to make space. To feel the feelings.