So she worries. This is the phrase that I was given.

I have to say that I just feel like I want to be here sitting in this position with my hands on the keyboard and that is why I am here. I am not sure what is coming out yet but I am sure that I have been feeling like there is a lot going on in the sphere of energy through me and around me.

I have been very brave to do what I did over the weekend but it didn’t feel brave. It felt good. It felt liberating and it felt like reconnecting with myself in a deep way. These are the kind of experiences that I need and want and crave right now. Because having those experiences allows me to present myself as me around anyone and everyone. Actually I should say to just be myself around anyone and everyone.

I find it so much easier to be my authentic true self in front of people who I don’t know as well. And what I love about meeting people these days is that I have the awareness of how magical it feels to be able to share with them exactly how I am in this moment when I meet them. I’ve always done that and I believe that’s what we all have the ability to do. And I love that so much because if I think back to when I first went to Ireland, I was able to allow myself to be exactly who I was at that time and also allow the circumstances and the people to elevate that and uplift that. I realized how kind I actually am.

I realized how much I actually love to love and love to be around people and how much I feel for people. I realized what I’ve always known. I’ve always been that way but I was in circumstances that offered different options to that and I chose to protect myself and to make myself small and not say too much, do too much or feel too much.

I’m currently reading the Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson. I love it so far. I fell asleep last night with the book under my pillow – so I’m hoping that I absorbed the full knowledge and wisdom of it through the pillow overnight LOL. What about that eh?

I am fascinated by realizing that it’s been recommended to be in positive denial of the perceived reality that I am in. I loved that phrase – positive denial. Because I have always wondered how does it work – there’s all this pressure to be here and be “realistic” and that always bothered me. I felt as though being “realistic” meant holding yourself back on purpose so that you can receive praise from others.

I don’t like that idea. What is realistic for you may not be realistic for me. Also what is REAL? What is actually real…?

So this is what the book talks about – that nothing we perceive in this material world is actually real and that God has created the Universe to support us and has programmed miracles in the frequencies. With every thought we have we can either block ourselves or open ourselves to these miracles.

I have to allow myself to change. I have to. I have learned to be realistic and my logical, scientific, always looking for the possibilities and healthy skeptical doubt mind has been loving it. Absorbing it and sucking it in.

But when I let myself be free and think freely, my thoughts used to go absolutely wild and through the clouds up to the Universe into the Milky way, connecting to the brightest stars in the sky, waving to the planets as they move by and giving a little squeeze to the Martians out there.

Like honestly lol. That is what I like to do. And the process of disconnecting from that was painful. The process of reconnecting with it now has brought a lot of shame and guilt.

I’m at the beach today. I got here yesterday. I’m happy to be here. There are a lot of things going on in my life and commitments that I still have but at least when I don’t have any I can be at the beach. That’s nice.

I want to learn to swim. I know how to swim in general but I want to learn properly and be able to go into the ocean for a swim if I want and feel confident. I want that for myself.

To let the water soothe me and to let it move through me.

Things are coming to a close this week. And other things are beginning this week. Monday will be the day of transition.

I am grateful to that. I am grateful to the Law of Divine Compensation for reminding me that I can think whatever I want to think and I will be supported in whatever that is.

So it is best to choose love and loving thoughts.

I’d love to hear some loving thoughts – what is the most loving thought?

Besides, I love you. I feel that one of the most loving thoughts is – I see you.

Talk soon,

 

B-

 

** Photo by me – love a good timer pic.