A love that makes me feel small. That makes me feel big.

A love that makes me feel it all and also makes me feel nothing.

A love in between dualities.

Allowing both sides of the coin to exist at once and in so doing – if I am open enough to realize it – I can live in the peace of the middle ground.

 

The peace of allowing both to exist at once.

 

Did we? As two people – allow both to exist at once? We were starting to figure that out.

I have tremendous gratitude for that lesson.

Co-existence without co-dependency. Co-existience with two full existences.

 

It hurts to miss.

To miss the person.

To miss the idea.

To actually miss the love.

I have never felt this way before. To miss a love is a tremendous burden on the heart.

I am sorry to carry this burden but I’m scared to say Ouch.

Ouch.

 

Still tied to what was and what could have been. I know that this is a process of confusion because my mind needs to be allowed to be confused before it can be clear. Many different points of data exist within the inner landscape of my mental.

And I just think … what about you?

Where do you go? What do you do? Without me.

 

So what am I grateful for? Can it be as simple as to say everything? Yes. But can it as full as to say everything and leave it at that. No – that is not full.

Full is this –

Stepping barefoot onto the perfectly tempered sand, beautifully soft and smooth, tiny fine grains warmed to the perfect temperature, the temperature that travels up your whole body and warms it, reminding us of the miracle that we are here. Looking up to realize that there exists a sea of infinite possibility ahead if we just travel through the sand to reach it. If we dive in then we might just swim. All the while, there is the sun, beaming down in support of every single step, no matter how small, how big, how crooked, how unbalanced, how careless, reckless or unknowing, the sun is there. Beaming down in support of the energy that dwells within, of the freedom to make choices and the belief that each one leads to the next, there is no wrong way except to cut yourself off.

Full.

 

Under the same sun. Under the same stars.

 

Gratitude for a love ,