I am currently so overwhelmed by how much I have produced. I am thinking a lot about balance. A lot about nature. A lot about self-sabotage.. My preferred method is to use my voice. It feels really good to talk. And also knowing what I know about myself now, it makes sense that talking feels the most like me. Writing feels like a gift that I was given … one that I was born with.

For the first time, consciously. Wow. Sometimes it’s an amazing thing to realize that I’ve realized something for the first time. You know? I have realized that I have had a first time really. A first time of being able to be in someone’s company who further expands my expanded state of being, as opposed to draining me of whatever energy I had expanded into.

Words that are standing out to me – fortify.

Also what I was thinking about after this recording… was naming things. Without judgement. That a part of my experimentation process, as a 1/3 profile in Human Design and the anarchist within me (one of my archetypes), I need to stick to things in that moment in order to give them their best chance. I remember once calling one of these posts something like… “I don’t know what to say so I’ll just say this” or something like that. That is not naming things. That is judging things.

So I named this post Glenbower Woods. Because I was in Glenbower Woods when I recorded this. Talking about my way. My way.

There’s something not right about how I feel lately about sharing. Everything is coming to a head. I want to share so badly and be in community with people. But I am sooo overwhelmed at the amount that has already been produced.

I have been hit with this idea that there is a difference between production and creation. That feels big for me. I want to have compassion with myself because I am sifting and sorting and realizing what has been produced over years of my life. Cyberly. That is stressful to me. Something about the cyber waves stresses me. But it also has so much potential for expansion and freedom. That. Yep.

It was easier to survive here. I was in survival mode. I have been my entire life until the end of last year.

What does one do with the process of vacillation? I worked to get here. To get to this point where I am back in Ireland and I am doing the things that I once dreamed of. Right now actually. I am living my dreams from years ago.

I would always see myself sitting in a beautiful room with a beautiful window with a view with a nice drink beside me and writing. Thank you past B. For dreaming up this dream. Thank you present B for being here and reminding yourself to breathe so that you can be here now. Thank you future B for continuing to hold the vision. Ponderings through my voice notes and reflections through my words. That feels right. Thanks.

Talk soon,

B-