You know that feeling?

What is it that gives you the best feeling? For me it’s performing on stage. It is such a rush. I absolutely love it. It feels like… I don’t know like everyone there has been waiting to see me and they are there for me. When I look out into the audience (if the lights aren’t blinding me), I am able to look right into the eyes of who ever I choose. Because I can connect. That is my favorite thing to do when I perform. Connect to these people’s souls. Dancing is a beautiful thing in that way because you can reach into a person’s soul and pull it out a bit. Set it free. Irish dancing is tough because there isn’t much expression in terms of body movements. So I just do it with my face and my eyes. Especially my eyes.

The show is for them. And in turn it becomes great for me. I am doing it for myself because it makes me happy to be doing it for them. Make sense? If you have your thing then you know.

I just feel like they love me. And I have this burning desire to be loved. To be appreciated for what I can do. It’s called passion I think. Because I have it with everything I do. It’s a little flame that burns inside of me that motivates me and makes me want to do well. When it comes to being on stage.. that flame is like a match that lights up an entire brush fire.

You know how they say that doing something for someone else is the best way to help yourself? Well AMEN. Because honestly… going out doing a show every night… dancing your butt off, being constantly sore, being exhausted and traveling like a maniac… is not cute. It’s not. But it is people’s dream because they love the dance and even more so… I swear it’s because of the way they feel on stage. That is because of the people. Your audience. My audience.

When you have to work so hard to do something the process of it can be a struggle. It is the struggle. It’s grueling and exhausting and you will be sweating and crying and even sometimes doubting the whole thing. But THANK GOODNESS for foresight. Because when I feel like that… I just think about that feeling… you know that feeling? The feeling that you get when you are so alive and ignited. The passion has been sparked and you are in your element. Everything feels like a dream. That. Feeling.

Makes the struggle bearable.

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Time= Gold.

What is really important to you in this day and age? Let’s be honest with ourselves here. If Kim Kardashian or Justin Beiber favorited your tweet or better yet, retweeted you, would your life be made? If you posted up a photo on Instagram and it got hundreds of likes, would that be the “best day of your life”? What about if you changed your profiler on Facebook and your ex saw it and immediately messaged you saying he or she missed you. Life = complete?

Or let’s take it in a different direction. You spent a great night with friends having cocktails and dinner. Great day right? Great life right? You cook dinner for your kids and they love it. Now they are full and happy. Fulfilled.

You get into work early and get all of your work done, get a pat on the back from your boss. Winning? You work extra late and put in time at home to get a project done. That’s important right?

Weeks on end of rehearsals come to an end in a spectacular performance that you’ve been waiting for. That’s important. You train your buns off in order to win the race at the meet. V important yeah? Powering through that last workout to be able to say you beat your personal record. More power to ya, that is important.

You finish an entire pizza from Domino’s and then a pint of B&Js cookie dough deliciousness. Absolutely killin’ the life game. That’s the s*** right there.

Well what is it? What is really important. Honestly. What fulfills you? What is your most prized possession? I know these are gigantic questions. But for me the answer is simple.

My time. My time is important. My time is worth more to me than anything else I could have. My time is invaluable. I can choose what to do with it and who to spend it with. That is important.

Think about your time and how you are spending it. Are you spending it wisely? Are you happy about your use of your time? Are you allowing people to take advantage of your time? Don’t. Use it for you and for others however you choose. Eat that pizza if you want. Train for that comp if you want. Get into work early if you want. Whatever you choose, you are cashing in time that you won’t get back so use it wisely. Use it happily. Use it with a fire under your buns because it will propel you forward. Use it or you just lose it. It slips away. Avoid that at all costs.

Whatever it is that you are doing, always feel like you are doing what you should be doing and/or what you want to be doing.

Take control of your time and how you use it. Time is gold people.

I won’t let anybody boss me and my time around. No way no freaking how. And I’m proud of it. I don’t care very much about what I am “supposed to be doing” or what I “should do” or what “everyone else is doing”. LAME. So lame. I’m not cashing in my time chips for that nonsense. And I’m tired of seeing all these inspiring people around me doing the same. Just falling into line with the rest of the drones. NO WAY PEOPLE> that is not how change is made in the world. If you look at people living a fantastic life of whatever the heck it is they are doing and you think… why not me… then WHY NOT YOU?!

Why. Not. You. Why not you? Come on nowwwww don’t fall for the trap. There is SO MUCH to be done in this world! Choose something and go for it. Make a meaningful path. It kills me on a daily basis that I haven’t found that thing that makes me tick yet. You should want to be an active participant in this world. Using your time to the fullest. Because if you don’t… you will lose it. Do NOT cash in your time chips reluctantly guys. Just don’t do it okay?

LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEEE #live

OH mann my brain is trying to KILL ME.

I haven’t seen the sun in days. I’ve been in the house since Sunday. Apart from a quick trip to the doctor and the pharmacy on Monday. I have been completely knocked out. I’ve slept as much as I can because standing up gives me that funny kind of feeling. You know that sit down-stand up headache? That’s what I call it anyway. When I’m sitting or even better, lying down, I feel fine and then when I stand up it all rushes to me and I feel dizzy or ill or whatever else again.

When I sleep I wake up feeling better, that’s for sure. I know that my brain has been cleaned out of all the craziness of the moments before I fell asleep. Though this is quite a crazy time in my life, ironically. I am so sick that I can barely do anything, but at the same time so many things are still happening because I am in a transition phase.

I have gotten into a show. FINALLY. A touring show. In Germany. This is THE GOAL. THE GOAL HAS BEEN ACHIEVED! My brain is exploding with pride and happiness over that. It is also reflecting. Reflecting on the journey. It has been quite a rocky bumpy roller coaster of a ride to get to this point and I am so happy to say that I’ve actually accomplished what I came here to do. I had no idea how I was going to do it really. But I want to perform. I want to be on stage and now I will for three weeks in Germany. I am thrilled about this and cannot wait to see how it goes for me. I plan on enjoying every second of it and learning heaps.

So since it starts in just over a week… well my entire life has to transition now and I have to prepare for that. This is a logistical nightmare really lol. My brain is going to fall out of my head over this. Though being sick helps me take things easy. I am slowly but surely sorting things out. And the rest of it just has to wait till after the next nap time ya know? Such is life.

But see.. this is why I wrote trying. It is trying but my body won’t let it. My heart needs time to rest. My body needs time to recuperate. My soul needs time to be nourished and loved. My pride needs time to swell and to meditate. Some times you just have to care for you. And the craziness inside the mind needs to take a seat.

So I’m lying here resting and being. Feeling and sleeping. Hoping and dreaming. My brain is getting used to it.

This will set me up for success in the next chapter of my life.

Sick in bed… what to do but write?

14 Bottles of wine. 7 girls. Two nights. You do the math.

Lying here sick in bed… listening to an 8 tracks playlist called Reflections. So appropriate. I’m so sick I’ve been knocked on my buns and all I have been able to do is lie here with my thoughts and myself and my Netflix. Netflix time is over because I’ve just watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I don’t know if I can top that one to be honest. I love that movie. I wish I could be slick like them. I also watched this movie today called The Words. It was a beautiful story.

Life is a funny thing. It really is. My body has decide to put itself under attack because I have been going crazy since the end of July with no real rest at all really. So I woke up on my birthday- the start of my 24th year. With a nasty head cold. I pushed through the day of course… because it was my birthday so who wouldn’t! I also had a ticket to the infamous Web Summit thanks to my boss and so I didn’t want to miss out on the day. I also had to be at the RTE TV studio at 5pm that evening to film the Semifinal of our journey in An Jig Gig- an Irish Dance competition show.

So… long day and I made it through. My head cleared up for the time of the show which was amazing. But it all came crashing back down on me after the adrenaline faded away. My group were absolutely amazing though. They surprised me with a cake and even found a tea light candle to put in it! LOL. It was fabulous. I felt really special. And tired.

But listen… it didn’t end there because the next day I was off to Galway with my love. I thought it would just be us two but it turns out that there were TONS of surprises in store. I was greeted by my girls in the hotel lobby and found out that they’d be staying the weekend as well. AMAZINGGGGGG. We check in and walk upstairs only to find that one of my best friends and old college roommates was waiting for me behind a pile of balloons. I CRIED. Couldn’t even contain it.

And they told me that was it. So they TOLDDDD me that was it lol. And so we made a plan to go to dinner. Not without 2 bottles of prosecco and a birthday toast of course! Then dinner and then drinking and chatting the night away. It was fabulous. My head hated me. But the rest of me had an amazing time.

Woke up the next day feeling ill. And not the famous hip hopper, rap star kind of ill, the awful head cold sinus infection kind of ill. Went to breakfast and for a bit of a walk around anyway. After that though… I needed some drugs and a rest. So  that’s what I got. It pays to be the bday girl that’s for sure. Sinutab- Thanks bro. You hooked it up. We watched Frozen. What a freaking good movie. Honestly… so good. Then it was time for dinner… my favorite fish n chips in the world. Thank you Galway for hosting that. And just a little while after dinner and after we had started breaking out the card games… the room door opens and ANOTHER SURPRISE GUEST WALKS IN. I cried. Obviously. So nowwwww the surprises were over. For real. And I was absolutely DELIGHTED with life. That   only meant 1 thing. It was time to buck up. So down went the Sinutab… washed away with some wine of course.

We went out. We danced. We drank wine. We took shots. We sang. We yelled. We took photos. We took selfles. We laughed. We cried. We ate pizza.

And the rest is history people. I have amazing friends. I received some amazing gifts but the best gift of all was the gift of their time with me. Their presence was truly a present =)

It was a dream birthday celebration really. There is so much more to say but honestly guys… what happens in Galway stays in Galway. So here’s to the next girls weekend and hopefully some of the photos are decent enough to be shared!

Thank you gals for making my bday a dream. Especially you my love ❤

I guess it was worth the bronchitis lol.

If you let it shine, you can free your mind.

LIGHTBULB. Absolute lightbulb went off in my head this morning. I have been listening to this song- Sober by Childish Gambino– for a few months now and it is such a jam. Sometimes I get stuck on songs just because and other times… it’s because they are meant to teach me something.

I still remember the day that John Mayer’s lyrics got to me. I was walking on the beach and I was listening to his old stuff… the best stuff. And I got caught up in the song- Great Indoors – it was like he was speaking directly to me. He says- Check your pulse it’s proof that you’re not listening too the call that life’s been giving you. And I said to myself… as I walked along the gorgeous smooth sand of the Point Pleasant beach in New Jersey on that gorgeous summer day… I said to myself… S*** B, you need to get it together! Make a plan. What do you want?

From there I went on to google the spit out of dance programs that accepted people like me and found myself a year later in a 6 month long training program at the Broadway Dance Center in NYC. It was probably one of the best experiences of my life.

Anyway … I had another moment like that today. And this is gonna be a tough one to execute but it just makes SO MUCH SENSE. Mister Gambino says… If you let let let it shine… you can free-ee-ee your mind. LOL like that? Yep that’s me singing. Just like him. Anyway… If you let it shine you can free your mind. And I thought… geezus well if I just PUT it out there.. put it all out there and give it everything and just let it all go then I can rest assured that I did my best. Then I can get out of this headspace that I’m in of regretting things and saying… I could have tried harder/done better.

This 100 percent applies to my dancing at the moment because I am trying to overcome a couple of huge obstacles. But in reality this can apply to any aspect of my life and it can apply to you too. Just have a think about it. It is worth thinking about.

Let it shine ya’ll. Free Minds all around.

Diggin it.

This is coming from the spiciest jalapeño in the bunch. I love spicy food. And I live a spicy life. Full of spice. That is why I have challenges to overcome… because it takes time to adjust to the spice. Sometimes I sweat a bit when it’s too spicy. Sometimes my mouth burns like crazy and other times I have to stop for a few minutes and pray to the heavens that everything stops burning. Equally… sometimes I suffer through it and my intestines pay the price… dun dun dunnnnnn we all know what that means. Either way… I’ve always loved spicy food and I think I always will. Variety is the spice of life. Make it spicy.

Thanks Daily Post , for helping me embellish this post. (If “failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor” (Truman Capote), how spicy do you like your success stories?)

Finally… a second to breathe!

Blahhh… Since the end of July my life has been CRAZY. It has been so busy! I can’t even get over it. Today…after this weekend I feel like I finally have had a bit of a chance to breathe and have some fun! I’ve been doing lots of fun things… but I felt so crazy and busy that it became a bit like… you know that kind of thing where you are like.. okay this is supposed to be fun, I”m having fun… am I enjoying this?  Yeah definitely. Even though you aren’t really sure because things are a bit hectic.

Or that kind of thing that is fun in retrospect. Looking back you are like oh wow that was fun or I had so much fun doing that. It’s been that kind of life this past month (aka October). But NOWWWW my favorite month of the year is here. And I swear that November brings a special kind of fabulousness into my life every year. Everything just is better. I absolutely love my birthday (November 6th) and I thoroughly enjoy the days leading up to it as well as the celebrations during and after it. So excited!!

That’s not why I’m here though. Back finally in my little corner of the inter webs… FINALLY.

I haven’t been able to write. Just haven’t been able to. Under the guise of being “too busy”, but really the reality is that I’ve been too ashamed or too confused to write for a little while. I am in a massive transition.

I am leaving my job. Gracefully, but still I am moving on. It is the strangest feeling. This is what I want to do. But I don’t know what I am moving on to. Because of this life that I am living. I’m not willing to give up on following my passions just yet. So I know I am ready to move on…but to what? Well see I thought I had it figured out… and then the shame sets in and the worry.

Do I still feel like I want to do what I wanted to do? Did I even want to do it that badly in the first place? Am I satisfied now and ready to move on? It’s quite a lot. Very overwhelming and that is how I felt all of last week. Except I couldn’t for the life of me put it into words. So I didn’t feel like dealing with myself. If you love to write and you use it as a release… then you know this… when you don’t feel like dealing with yourself – the last thing you want to do is write. So there I was.

Stuck. Until Wednesday.

I sat in a cafe  last Wednesday. And all I wanted to do was write. But I had no pen. Literally had no pen. I typed on my phone (lost the entire post by the way… wehh) frantically just about every single detail of minutia that was going on around me. The guys eating their sandwich in less than 5 minutes, the disgusting taster of soup that I had and thank goodness I didn’t get it etc. etc. All the time feeling horrible and sulky and just wishing  I could write because I was finally ready. Then… with a fully belly(which is so ironic- thank you 3rd Chakra… more on that later)… I gained some bravery and asked my server to borrow a pen.

WELL… problem solved and about an hour and 15/20 pages later… I had written. And things have started to meld together since then. The wheels have been cranking and I can deal with myself again. This all was helped by an amazing dance performance and night out with friends, and an entire weekend of basically tagging out of life (no phones, no nonsense, no working out, no dancing, just friends and sleep and chinese food).

So now I’m back. And I just want to write. I frequently daydream about myself sitting in my most favorite spot (to be determined) and just writing… but being passionately involved in what I was writing and doing it for a purpose. I will write a book one day.