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A love note to my senses
Hi eyes. Hi ears. Hi nose. Hi mouth. Hi hands and skin. Where do I begin? To eat the ripest fruits. See the face of the one I love. Hear my mother’s laugh from her room. Smell the freshness of the air when I step outside. Feel the softness of a towel upon my skin.…
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Grief – 2
Today it feels like ‘what if?’ In the darkness I cry. Sometimes at night, sometimes early morning before the sun rises. I realize I am terrified. What if something happens? What if she dies? What if they don’t tell me? What if they shame me for not calling? What if they guilt me? What if…
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Grief
Ouch. Ouuu. Owww. Ohhh. It hurts in a way that feels physical. I cry so hard I feel like I might break. But at the same time it feels like my crying muscles are elastic. Inexhaustible. So if I start, I might just cry forever. I am grieving the living as much as the dead.…
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What if
But what if something does happen and I didn’t have the time to figure it out? What if I am not able to do what I am supposed to do? What if I didn’t tell everyone I love them that I love them and then they go? What if they don’t know how much I…
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Love and desire
Well I remember being told that if you love someone you do things for them and with them even if you don’t want to. Because it doesn’t take much to make their day. And how much can it really hurt you to do that for them? So … love is doing things you don’t want…
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On the one hand
Awh man I really do feel the pressure of words sometimes. And you know what else ? Proof. Proving things. And the paradox of life. On the one hand I am an investigator. On the other hand I have nothing to prove. On the one hand I am an inquirer. On the other hand I…
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Past Me
Past me was worried about money, so she took things on to ensure that it would come. That she could make it. Present me is tired. And has to live through past me’s decisions. Past me thought this would solve the problem. Present me knows the problem isn’t money, it is feeling lack. Or lack…
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Internal torture
Sometimes I feel an internal agitation, chaos and torture inside. I am reminded now of my work with entropy. I was talking about it. In 2022. Sometimes I just feel really uncomfortable. I have a desire to expand my capacity to sit with discomfort. And to be uncomfortable. In these times, it feels like there…
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When I do this
When I do this, it is for me. I love that about this. It is for me. I can rest in it. Inadvertently it might be for others. We are all connected. But when I do this, it is for me. Thank you.
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Whispers from little B
Awh little B, you are so sweet. This year, this holiday season, I am filled with mixed emotions. I am acknowledging how it feels time to truly give myself time to sit within the feelings, the pain, the confusion, now. This morning on my walk I was sifting through some of the incessant thoughts. These…
