Make art even if no one is watching.

Make art especially if no one is watching. How about that?

I recently heard someone say – we learn best through stories.

Why is it that we hold ourselves back until we find something that makes us feel validated?

Do things for the sake of doing them.

I recently experienced a deep-seated sadness and fear, I didn’t know myself.

Why is it that I feel like I have to know myself… why cant I just be myself?

Be here because that is enough. No one else can be you, here.

I recently thought a recurring thought… my mind is going to kill me.

Why is it that I feel the need to think everything… why can’t I just experience it?

We are more than our minds.

Body.

Soul.

Spirit.

I recently realized that my work life and personal life are becoming more connected.

Why is it that I felt like I had to keep things compartmentalized?

Life is not meant to be lived in a box. The soul is abstract.

I recently cried so hard that I felt like my body would explode.

Why is it that it scares me to cry that much?

If my body explodes – it allows me space for my soul to be freed.

Free your soul. Free your soul. Free your soul. 

 

That might be a welcomed change. I would be lying if I said this writing is not inspired. I have been recently very deeply moved by the actions of people around me and the settling of the dust in my life. To those who fear that their mind may be getting the best of them, those who push their bodies to their limits because they fear they’d be nothing without them, for what it’s worth – I believe that your soul is infinite just like all of ours and that no matter what physicality or mentality tries to keep us down, we are meant to be freed. Free your soul. Dive into yourself. And if you want a friend, you can find one in me.

Talk soon,

 

B-

These days

See that up there ^^? She would never admit it, but she was petrified of looking the way she was feeling at the time… like sh*t.

April 2014… I had just started dancing again after 13.5 months off. I ruptured my achilles… got operated on… and began the long long long road to recovery. Well when I heard the snap of my tendon… along with that went my confidence in myself, my identity, and almost all of my pride.

My goodness, I used to think… I don’t want to be here anymore. What am I going to do if I can’t dance? Who am I without dancing? For months I fought with myself through sleepless nights, pointless days (they felt pointless anyway) and conversations with myself just continuously asking myself… what is the point?

It was a very low time for me, but after those 13.5 months – when the opportunity arose for me to do a photoshoot on the beach with a very talented photographer (Sasha M Photography), I felt brave enough – for the first time in over a year.

That day the beach was very cold. It was extremely windy and my legs and toes were numb from being bare. Something about that numbness though… reminded me of times past and comforted me in a way … because I knew that with my hopping around on the beach that day… those times had definitely passed.

If it wasn’t for my girlfriend at the time, I don’t know if I would have been able to get through the lowest point on that journey. I am thankful everyday for her presence in my life, especially at that time.

That time, too, has passed. Life has lead us our separate ways and what I am left with now, being on my own, is the residue of years of not loving myself enough. Not being able to see the girl in that photo for who she actually is.

There is so much power in accepting yourself unconditionally. When I look at that photo, I want to hug that beautiful, powerful, inspiring woman so tight. I want to squeeze her and I want to remind her that she is so human and so real and the essence of herself is an excellent addition to what already exists in this world.

From experience, it seems that the last thing we want to do is see ourselves… you know… really see ourselves. And I’ve seen people put themselves through a serious amount of (legal) torture before they would simply accept their feelings, their situation, their abilities or simply what they see when they look in the mirror. I’m guilty. Are you?

Let’s just stop that now, okay? Just remember … it only takes two arms to give a good hug… and most of us are lucky enough to have two arms… isn’t that funny?! Hug yourself.

Speak your truth. Live your life from the inside out because what you have inside is too beautiful and too YOUnique not to share.

 

Inspired by: #worldmentalhealthday #internationaldayofthegirl #nationalcomingoutday

Finding your truth.

So here’s a thought for a Friday. Give yourself the weekend maybe to ponder this.

How do you know what you know?

How did you learn it? Who did you learn it from? Who did they learn that from? How do you know its the truth? Is it fact?

Just think about these things for the weekend because I have been spending months thinking about them, and particularly this last week because my notions of what’s true and what’s not have been challenged tremendously.

I know I say this a lot but this is a pure fact for me: We see life through our own individual lenses. So our perspective is individual, unique and unlike that of anyone else in the world.

That being said, we can be influenced and every single one of us has been influenced by something or someone at least once if not a million times in their lives so far. So how do you then take it and add it into your truth?

Your truth- n. your beliefs, your values, what you think about things and how you feel about life; this is your perspective only. It only becomes your truth when you decide to own what you believe feel and think, even if it was told to you, taught to you or given to you by someone.

This all becomes your truth when you have put it through the test. If a piece of information, an experience, a perspective or otherwise, passes your test… then you can say it is your truth and you own it.

To put it simply? Don’t ever blindly believe what you see, hear or are told. You should always always always question EVERYTHING. Question it until you can make sense of it in your own mind, body and soul. Then it becomes a part of you. And don’t ever forget where it came from or how you got there.

Don’t allow something to become a part of who you are if you can’t say that you believe in what it stands for. Life is colorful and we are all individual artists. So go out and make your work of art. Make it for you, how you want it and with everything you believe in and love to explore.

The most beautiful thing is that you have something, some of your personal essence, to add to everything you’ve experienced, taken from someone else and learned through life. So even if someone else learns the same thing that you’ve learned, your art will look different to theirs. No one ever interprets anything in this life the same way. So own your interpretations. Take it and interpret it through your own lens and send it back into the world when you are good and ready.

Go out and learn. Be inspired. Take from people. Give to people. Find your truth. Know your truth. Own it. Live it. Be it.

Talk soon,

B-

Alright Alright Alright

Let’s talk about how we get places. Let’s just really talk about that because as far as I know… teleportation doesn’t exist yet RIGHT? Definitely not because if it did I’d be in a million places a day hah!

Anyway I was reminded of something today, by someone who inspired me greatly this weekend. He talked to us about the journey… about how to get from A to Z and what it really takes. It had me thinking… how the heck did I get here?

This is the interesting thing about life I think… it really is all about the journey and I know that people say that all the time but I got smacked in the face today with a bit of life-IS-the-journey realness.

Honestly think about it now. Just entertain this for a second. You are at work or school or wherever you spend your time during the day. And you need to go home… How do you get there? Imagine the path in your head. For me it’s getting from the campus at UL to home … So basically I walk out of my building, cross the bridge, walk across campus and out, turn right up to the roundabout and keep walking till I pass the 3rd one… then turn in to my estate and up to my house.

Hmm… so there are about 7/8 different parts to that journey, and about a few hundred/thousand steps involved yeah? But I will get there – I always get home. And guess who participated in the journey the whole time? THIS GIRLLLLLL.

The point?

You have to be present throughout the journey of your life. You have to stick with every single step of the way because that IS the life you are living. It’s worth it to go from A to b, c, d, etc to get to Z because that is what makes you the person you are. You have to LIVEEEEE the points in between otherwise they just pass you by and for what? LIVE THROUGH IT ALL LOVAHS.

I had to remind myself today because I love dancing. I want to be an amazing dancer. But I have my struggles and I am very much in the middle of a process of figuring a few things out. But it will never stop. I have to live in these moments I have now because this is who I am. So I thought I would share the love. And some cyber hugs too if anyone needs em

( ) ( ) ( ) <- those are hugs!

LIVE ON THE EDGE. Talk soon

B-

How about just be who you are?

How the heck do we do that eh? Well I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trying not to think ahaha! And it has cleared up a few things for me. I have spent so much time getting caught up in what I want to be or how I should be. You know that feeling? The feeling of putting that pressure on yourself to

“eat less carbs”, “be more polite” “be a positive person” “get a degree so you can get a job” “keep your head down and accept it” “dye your hair so you can look younger” “keep your thoughts to yourself so you seem happy”

BLAH. Blahblahblah. When you read those don’t they just seem so … forced?

So don’t force it. Be who you are. Just Be.Who.You.Are. Release the judgements, honestly. Just live. And be. Acknowledge and notice what you like, who you like, how you are and what you are doing. And let them BE.

For the past 9 days I have been participating in this 30 Day Love Yourself Challenge – I don’t know what it’s actually called ahah but that is what I’m calling it. Basically you keep a stack of post its next to your bed and every morning when you wake up – you write something nice about yourself- something that you like about yourself or something about who you are that makes you proud.

DO THIS. And trust what you write. That is who you are. Put them in places where you can see them. Read them and believe them for goodness sake. Because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. Be brave. Have the nerve.

So just be who you are because that person is probably pretty great.

That person is probably a really good cook, or a really great friend, a talented dancer or singer, a creative person, a loyal companion, a great conversationalist, a very intelligent person, a great writer, an amazing athlete, a beautiful soul… A real live person who can only be who you are.

Trust.

Talk soon,

B-

She doesn’t mind.

There once was a time where every single song reminded me of that time. Of that place. When I left Dublin the first time I was heartbroken. I had never had an experience like that in my life before. I had fallen so deeply in love with the place (and a particular person) without even realizing just how hard I’d fallen till I left.

This song though… I taught my first ever class to this song. To those amazing people who at the time were my life. Every time the song came on for months after I left they would tell me and every time I heard it I would just be immediately transported back to that semester I spent at UCD in Dublin and particularly the time I spent with the people who I had the pleasure of dancing with that semester.

We danced our a$$es off during that class. I had 3 hours to teach and I took the entire 3 hours because by the time we learned the routine it was time to DANCE. They took a video of it as well which I remember watching and thinking- I can’t believe I did it! Thinking back to that first class I was SO nervous, little did I know that I would be kicking off a series of other opportunities for me to teach my choreography to other amazing dancers.

I made life long friends in that class – not just because of that class of course- but that song gave me the opportunity to share a piece of myself with people who were important to me, so it’s special to me.

That song though… it was such a jam, the kind of song that you’d love to hear in the club. Sean Paul killed it with that one.

It’s so funny how things get engrained in your memory and what your senses add to it. I have a vivid memory of what everything in that entire room looked like during my class- I can think of it every time the song comes on. I also get flashbacks of the clubs we used to go to – the smells of alcohol and perfume, the sights of extremely inebriated young people walking around, tastes of 3AM chinese food and the feelings of waking up the next day with a room full of friends who just want to lie around and chat about the previous night’s shenanigans.

I love that song. I love those times. I love those people- they are still some of my favorites. And Dublin? He still has my heart as well. And that particular person? So does she =)

Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbUBMklQSVU

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”

I miss this…

Well here I am again! I love writing but I still feel like I haven’t figured this out. Blogging turns me off every once in a while, every time I’m too afraid of what I have to say.

But since I’ve gotten home, and particularly since this trip, I have been becoming.


  
  
  
  

Becoming braver. Becoming a harder worker. Becoming more accepting. Becoming a self-carer. Loving myself for who I am right now.

My goodness I had a melt down the other night. I was trying to explain myself and when I didn’t workout I lost it. I had thought that this summer was going to be all I needed to get back on track. Well I was wrong. Wrongoooooo.

But I’m making so much progress because what I want is just to accept myself. To learn new things and not worry about having to be amazig at them right away. To love and be loved freely without the pressure of society and family ties getting to be too much.

I wasn’t sure what all of this was even about until this trip right up there. I had some time to talk about it with close friends- it being life it suppose lol and since then I am on my way to living more freely and truer to myself every day.

I just realized that I am not compassionate to myself really at all. Who can relate ?

Like this: you wake up late one morning and you are a failure, you’re never gonna get all your things done and you’ll be late on top of it.

BUT: your friend is late every single time you meet up and you forgive him willingly. You’ve been told you have the patience of a saint.

This is me… And I’m done beating myself up now. I once read in an amazing book called Mindset: “becoming is better than being”.

I want to live that mantra. AND SO! I think we should all be kinder to ourselves.

Treat yourself as you would treat others. How’s that for a golden rule eh ?! I like it.

As my love says: be gentle with my girlfriend. Thanks beautiful I think it’s about time I acknowledge the wisdom in that statement. So let’s all do something today: let it be.

Live and let live ya’ll.

Talk soon,

B-

Something worth fighting for.

OHHHHHH my head is clogged. There are so many things going well and then other things that still are a bit messy to say the least. I’m studying about philanthropy on coursera … so naturally it’s making me think about what kind of things make me feel like getting up and doing something for good.

Then I started thinking… omgsh am I selfish?! Everything I can think of comes back to a statement that’s like – yes and I am good at that or I have experience in that so that’s why I can do it.

I panic. No one wants to be thought of as a selfish person. So I’m sitting here yelling at myself … on the inside of course lol yelling out loud is probably considered crazy (which I have to admit I definitely care about because I just do. #typical). Anyway I just keep saying to myself : WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS!? If you’re doing everything solely for yourself then are you a good person?

If the things you do … though they are for yourself … benefit someone else – then what?

The purpose… the purpose has to be there. The intention!

I think I’m losing it sometimes because I’ve been spending so much time thinking about this lately… and I’ve concluded… there has to be intention behind EVERYTHING we do. In a perfect world.

Good intentions = good people

Bad intentions = bad people

Is it that simple? Apply it and let me know.

Whatever way you classify your intentions let them be true and always remember your intentions when you embark on a new journey. If you get to a point where you feel like you  have fulfilled your intentions then you have succeeded. Equally if you feel like you get to a point where you have failed your intentions… you have experienced and you will learn (if you’re smart).

Let’s take a simple example, forgetting about the good person/bad person thing for now (thanks Daily Post)- traveling:

When I go on vacation I like to do NOTHING… nothing = chill, beach, nap, eat delicious food, read a book, anything that I don’t have time to do when I am home doing 5000 things a day (or procrastinating on all of those things).

SO if I go on vacation and I accomplish any of those things – because they are my intentions I’ve done it. I’ve succeeded and I’ve succeeded successfully (lol how is that for a tongue twister?).

Let’s take a poignant example: #MarriageEquality (think about your good person/bad person rules here):

Everyone is entitled to an opinion … and some at the moment (Ireland in specific) are entitled to a vote: Will you vote yes or no to legalize marriage equality?

What is your intention: Mine is to support it because:

  • I am helping myself and my significant other
  • There are so many other people in this world who are a part of the community of people who are denied the rights to marriage, irrespective of qualities that actually define a committed relationship
  • The world has always been this way, with different people of different preferences and we consistently battle against them – the time to fight the change is not now.

So I just keep thinking… though selfish in some ways, my intentions are good right?

What are your intentions? How do you support them? Think about it. What can you offer to back up your opinions and how will you act on those opinions when given the chance?

And this… this is why I’m doing it:

WIDFL Views

Because people love it and they are inspired by dancing and how dancing can express what so many can’t seem to say.
My intentions: To spread the #love.

Too deep? It should be.

The Story Of My Life

Everyone has to fight to be with the one they love, there is no need to make it a legal battle as well. – If you are in Ireland VOTE YES on May 22nd –

WhatIdidforLove_HQ2

And so it begins, the tale of the experience that changed my life. I’ve had to work my buns off and the stress (in the form of grey hairs) is real. BUT I’ve become a better communicator, leader and dancer through the process. Everyone learns differently ya know? I learn the hard way. So I’ll share my story with you in hopes that you can learn through me and you might be better off when you get to your epiphany project- the project that turns things around for you. Welcome to the Epiphany Project- the Story of my Life.

WhatIdidforLove_HQ1

That’s the book I’d write if I could right now. It would be a memoir type of book. And it would be about how much I’ve learned throughout the process of being involved in a dance video entitled ‘What I did for Love’. This video uses movement via dancing to tell a story about love and relationships. The piece makes a statement about equality- a strong one- and it turns out that we are able to do our part in this year’s Marriage Referendum in Ireland because of it! I just don’t even know how to express how I feel. I can’t watch the video on my own because I just sit there and cry. It is so real and it is so relatable. I beam with pride at what we have accomplished as a group and I just want to share it with everyone!

So please… Watch What I did for Love’  and share if you LOVE it =)

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This is my idea of motion, inspired by the Daily Post.

‘What I did for Love’

Yesterday marked the 7th and final day of filming a piece entitled ‘What I did for Love’. This piece is about love and relationships. It’s about how everyone has to work hard or even fight to be with the person they love and it certainly does not discriminate against gender and/or sexual orientation. That is not the way myself and this brilliant group of dancers see our world anyway. We had the chance here to showcase our talents and support a great cause. Anyone should be able to be with their person and that is exactly how we feel and what we show through choreography and striking visuals.

We had an absolute BLAST playing with holi powder this week while filming. This powder is used to emphasize the idea that people’s true colors aren’t always the same as someone else’s and they aren’t always what they “should” be. Couples in the piece struggle to let their true colors shine until they are united with the person whom they are truly meant to be with. Then we celebrate that with a blending of colors and the use of every single color of the rainbow to tie the piece up at the end. I am the Director of this video, as well as having been the choreography director and creative director so needless to say this project has been my passion for the past few months and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am so proud of the work we have done and now that I have 5 seconds to myself I could not WAIT to share a few bits from our experience over the past week. Check out these photos, capturing the essence of the holi powder perfectly as it floats in the air while the dancers perform. And please please please watch the promo video here.

  

 

This is what afloat means to me.