March is coming to an end. I listen to this podcast and it’s called Tarot for the Wild Soul. It’s amazing and every month she puts up a Monthly Medicine reading, with a mantra for the month. March is trust and allow.
This month has been wild. But there is something that is coming back to me. A feeling that I had when I was a kid that I am so happy to be reconnected with. Do you ever get this feeling… basically like a realization coupled with complete excitement. A realization that you have absolutely NO idea what could be coming around the corner and then just like being completely enthralled because that means that ANYTHING could happen. A positive take on the unknown really… I always used to feel like this when I was young. I just used to sit there and thing oh my goodness anything could happy in the next minute… literally anything because I can’t predict or control it.
This brings me back to trust and allow. Because I think for the longest time, out of fear of myself and other things. A lot of fear actually. I was on control and construct. Basically thinking that if I could just get a handle on my life I could control it and make it what I wanted it to be. Could I have been more wrong? LOL I don’t know. But it is actually so far away from what makes me feel like myself that I have to stop. This month’s mantra of trust and allow has really helped me to see that because it’s just another situation in the face of duality. We can either be afraid or enthralled. We face the unknown every day. Artists in particular have to face the unknown in many ways because of a general willingness to let the balls juggle in the air before settling.
So I will always have to face the unknown right? We all will really. In the micro-sense and the macro-sense. We just do not know what will happen in our lives next year or even in the next second (there is a catch I think … more on that later). So if that is the case then I am facing the unknown and calling it life. In this life I can choose to face that and to trust and allow it to come or to control it and construct it. I choose trust and allow now. I can be afraid of what that means or I can be completely excited by the fact that it actually means ANYTHING.
I used to do this naturally. I would get so excited about the fact that I actually had no idea how brilliant this life could be that I would get tears in my eyes. And it would happen to me so much that I feel like it happened all the time when I look back on my childhood haha1 So now I just think that it’s time for me to embrace that again because I can feel it coming back. Here’s the catch – to be able to be aware of this stuff I think you just have to be here right now. Otherwise if I let myself drift away from right now, then perhaps I can use that drifting to control what happens in the next moment.
This past week I have been slowly making the shift. There is a voice inside us all – our soul’s voice right? And they are constantly whispering waiting for us to listen. I started listening this week. Once every day I have had something come through and I have done something differently to what I had planned. That is what happened in simplest form. But the crazy thing is the way I felt when I followed what I heard. Never have I felt so calm or sure that what I was doing was the right thing for me to be doing. Monday I found myself in Brooklyn at 12 pm taking class at Mark Morris Dance Group when what I had planned to do was sit on my computer and work for the afternoon and then take class at 630 pm. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong about that and so when I had a minute to listen I was called to follow a different plan.
Then I was able to go to Top of the Rock with my love and her family. Because I was already in the city. The day just happened, just like that. And it was a brilliant day!
So there was something about that, that has reconnected me with how freaking exciting it actually is that we have no idea what’s coming around the corner. So don’t get to caught up in planning because it just takes up space in our now. If I think about it, why would I fill my right now with yesterday and tomorrow?
Would you, if you had the choice?