Dancing in the rain

I danced in the rain today. Literally. But there’s something about that phrase – isn’t there a quote that goes something like … learn to dance in the rain? Something like that.

Anyway – it’s such a funny process to go through – surrendering. I experienced it today in such a physical way that it gave me so much hope for surrendering to all other aspects of this life. I’d like to share the story with you. (I’m currently sitting in my cousin’s bed procrastinating on a funding application… so that’s me right now and it’s obviously the best time to tell this story)

I was asked by my aunt to dance in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Galway – with her daughters’ GAA club. So I said yes. I had to do a dance with a Gaelic football. Piece of cake… lol. It was a lot of fun actually. Once I gave up on every thought or desire I had about how the day would go. To be honest I didn’t really have very many but I can name a million experiences like this where I did. Anyway!

We got out of the car and I managed to fit this GAA jersey over my winter coat (thanks be to the forces that be). We made our way over to our spot in the parade looking like a bunch of hunchbacked Michelin men (you know the puffy white man who sells tires?!). We were a great looking bunch anyway.

It starts raining nearly immediately as we start walking towards our spot. It’s not too bad yet but I had a feeling it was going to be that kind of day. The forecast was predicting 100 percent chance of rain and not the kind of raindrops that don’t make a fuss.

Get there and we are standing for about 45 minutes before it even starts. It’s lashing down. It’s freezing. Every single layer of my clothes (about 5/6 of em on top at least!) is slowly soaking. It’s like I realized that this was all completely out of my control and whether I liked it or not I was going to be dancing in the parade soaking wet. So looking back… I obviously decided to just like it!

Enjoyed myself thoroughly and got completely soaked. It didn’t have to be a bad day just because I may have had desires for the day to be a certain way and it wasn’t. You know that process that we go through sometimes? Where we set ourselves up for how we want things to go and then we torture ourselves miserably as we slowly and painfully let go of each desire one by one until either the day is over or we allow ourselves to enjoy it.

Something about the impending doom of lashing rain just allows that process to be instantaneous for me. I welcome these lashings of rain in every aspect of my life now because I am so ready to just surrender and accept every moment.

Today was a great one. And now I’m in bed lucky enough to reminisce about it. No complaints here.

Talk soon,

B-

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Setting my desires free

This picture is of a painting that is transformative. Behind it are all of my desires for the next few months. I used to think that by writing them down and looking at them, by being reminded of them I could make them come true for myself.

Then after receiving some responses back – a few no’s as I mentioned, I looked at this vision board – full of “visions” of things that weren’t meant for me and then it all just looked like a list of things that I was trying to make happen. Then I thought… maybe I wasn’t in charge of what was meant to happen.

So I acknowledged myself and my desires. And then I decided to set them free. I just know that things happen for a reason and when I’m ready, I will receive experiences. I know that. So what am I doing trying to force my hand on life? I’ve expressed my desires and I have asked for what I would like. But I know and I think that there are others who feel this way, that I don’t always know what’s best for me. The universe needs to work through me.

I read somewhere… something about doing things with intention. So I painted yesterday again… with the intention of setting these desires free. I admit I still have some humanly hope that they will all come true. But it felt better to let them go, it really did. Now the next step for me is to work on the trusting bit. Trusting that the path that I am on is one I will be guided through and that I don’t have to make things happen.

It is my understanding that people seem to believe that life has to be hard in order for it to be good. That we have to suffer in order to be happy. To that… I have many things that I say to myself and the one I can share is this: Perspective is everything. Peace is powerful.

So yeah… I feel better now after setting some things free. It feels a bit more okay to be here. Like that is enough.

Talk soon

B-

A declaration

I want to live my truth.

I want to do what I say I am going to do – to be accountable.

I want to be with my own company in peace.

It hit me today … that none of us actually know just how far and wide our light shines really. We walk around on this Earth, doing our best (hopefully) not even knowing how we may have affected someone’s day, moment… life.

Today I had a moment of realization and while dancing I imagined myself with this bright yellow light coming from the center of my belly. It feels like this light needs to be pure if I can ever do justice to those who cross paths with its rays, ya know?

So I just feel I need to declare my gratitude and my commitment to continuing to be true and to living my truth. I find the days difficult sometimes, but the opportunity to talk about experience and being-ness with others offers me a chance to clarify what I know. Through sharing I come to know myself.

Through sharing today I realized that I will never truly know how far my essence travels, so I better make sure, just in case it ends up somewhere where it’s really needed, that it is purely me. And not a hidden version of me or an afraid version of B.

Working on it anyway. For a gal (me) who is constantly questioning why I’m here and what the point of all of this is… it’s really nice to be reminded that what I project reaches farther out than I could ever imagine. And so for that… I declare that I intend to project purely and with integrity.

And for you, who is reading this, I hope you know that every single one of us makes a bigger ripple in the waves than we could ever imagine. So if you can trust in that… what kind of an affect do you want to have? Be that effect.

Talk soon

B-

Make art even if no one is watching.

Make art especially if no one is watching. How about that?

I recently heard someone say – we learn best through stories.

Why is it that we hold ourselves back until we find something that makes us feel validated?

Do things for the sake of doing them.

I recently experienced a deep-seated sadness and fear, I didn’t know myself.

Why is it that I feel like I have to know myself… why cant I just be myself?

Be here because that is enough. No one else can be you, here.

I recently thought a recurring thought… my mind is going to kill me.

Why is it that I feel the need to think everything… why can’t I just experience it?

We are more than our minds.

Body.

Soul.

Spirit.

I recently realized that my work life and personal life are becoming more connected.

Why is it that I felt like I had to keep things compartmentalized?

Life is not meant to be lived in a box. The soul is abstract.

I recently cried so hard that I felt like my body would explode.

Why is it that it scares me to cry that much?

If my body explodes – it allows me space for my soul to be freed.

Free your soul. Free your soul. Free your soul. 

 

That might be a welcomed change. I would be lying if I said this writing is not inspired. I have been recently very deeply moved by the actions of people around me and the settling of the dust in my life. To those who fear that their mind may be getting the best of them, those who push their bodies to their limits because they fear they’d be nothing without them, for what it’s worth – I believe that your soul is infinite just like all of ours and that no matter what physicality or mentality tries to keep us down, we are meant to be freed. Free your soul. Dive into yourself. And if you want a friend, you can find one in me.

Talk soon,

 

B-