I allow myself to trust in life

I have a morning routine. Do you?

I don’t know if I’ve always had one… I suppose I have but this one that I’ve been into lately is a purposeful morning routine. Every morning when I open my eyes I stick on some sort of guided meditation. I love it. I take 10-20 minutes in the morning to just allow myself to be and to listen to what is being said, repeat a mantra, ponder a centering thought. Whatever it is I just go with it and then at the end of it I feel ready to get out of my bed and continue to live the day.

This morning’s meditation was one lead by my Spiritual Mentor, talking me through raising my frequency in life. I’ve listened to this one a few times in the past week actually because I really enjoy where it takes me and I particularly enjoy how I feel afterwards throughout my day. Today a couple of lines stuck out to me and I’ve been thinking about them since.

I allow myself to let go and trust in life. I allow myself to let go and trust in myself.

These lines radiated through me today. And for whatever reason, stuck with me enough to remember them. At the time when I heard them I felt an instant sense of huge relief. It was like I was actually allowing myself to let go of everything before and after this moment and just be present. It was so relaxing to feel that and to be okay with where I am at. This feeling usually carries with me throughout the day but today the moment was only fleeting.

I finished my last week of classes for the MA this week. That is huge. I can’t believe I will no longer be attending regular classes in the studios at UL. I was immediately flooded with emotions and still find myself trying to comprehend the shift that is about to take place in my life. Cue the serious sense of overwhelm…

SO this is where I find myself wishing I could go back to that moment this morning where I felt completely relieved in the fact that I was allowing myself to let go and trust myself and trust life.

Naturally since I have been bothered by this all morning/afternoon, I haven’t been able to start my work (which is piling up… #overwhelm). And naaattturallly… I had a thought about this. So I had to write. Writing is the only thing that feels right 24/7 to me. Regardless of what is going on in my life or where I am/what I am doing… I can always write and I will always make time to write. It feels good for my soul.

Here is the thought:

Allowing is harder than doing. But allowing is what leads to trusting life and ourselves.

Allowing is like… conscious non-doing. We need more of this. If you think about it… when you allow something to happen there is a bit of a sense of fear/risk, unknowing, chancing, also excitement and a bit of relief. To say the least lol. It’s like letting go of the control of trying to do the thing. So why don’t we all stop trying to do the thing and allow things to happen. So I am consciously choosing to allow myself to trust in life. I am sitting here writing because I am aware that how I feel when I am doing this is much better than how I feel doing anything else. Therefore… I am allowing myself to trust that this is what feels right.

Choose to allow.

Choose to allow yourself to trust.

Choose to allow yourself to trust yourself.

Choose to allow yourself to trust yourself and to trust life.

I’m afraid that it might actually be that simple. Annoyingggggg. But it actually might be! Avoid disappointment and allow.

I know life gets in the way and it feels like we have all these things we have to do and need to do and want to do etc etc but whenever we can, let’s choose to allow life to take us to where we probably need to be in that moment.

Try it and let me know how it goes! I’ve decided to do it today when I can. When I’m willing to take the risk and allow. Oh also if you want to try some guided meditations here are a few!

Happy Saturday

Talk soon-

B-

PS. Photo credit goes to the lovely Karen Goltz, a fellow UL colleague and very talented photographer

Where we come from…

First of all it’s absolutely GORGEOUS out today in Limerick. My soul has been waiting for a day like this. I can just feel the energy in the air when I breathe and it’s the kind that recharges me.

If you have a chance today, take a few deep breaths outside. And breathe in the full, vibrant frequencies of your piece of the universe. Appreciate the Earth around you. It is Earth day after all :).

Anyway that’s besides the point. The air instantly reminded me of Boston, where I went to college. I happen to be rocking my tour guide jacket from Northeastern as well today. Coincidence ? I think not. I immediately felt grateful. A bit nostalgic but mostly grateful to my past self and my past experiences with past support networks, people and resources, who and which have aided my journey thus far.

They say you shouldn’t live in the past and I agree with them. Whoever they are. But this is my thought… When you are reminded of the past, you must acknowledge it. In my case, Boston and my days at Northeastern came back to visit me this morning and I am appreciative and grateful. So that’s a beautiful thing.

Where you’ve come from and what you’ve been through is all a part of who you are becoming. Acknowledging these experiences and what they’ve given you or put you through (if you see it that way) is what helps a person be constantly in touch with their most authentic self. Your most present and aware self is your most authentic and beautiful self. If you are pushing things away and avoiding things … How can you ever be fully here ?

So acknowledge your past. When it crops up every now and again, let it be there with you and breathe into it. Things come back to remind us of who we are and where we’ve come from. When we might need a bit of a boost or a helping hand to continue on the journey, these things can help to allow us to expand.

We are who we are because of where we have been. Acknowledge what comes up for you from days past because if not… who knows how they might affect your future days? Acknowledging past pains, pleasures and passings in the present allows you to learn to let them be and be free then to make choices now that will brighten your future.

You deserve it. Whatever it is. You deserve it all and more.Holding on to the past, reliving it and living through it will hurt you. Please don’t let yourself be hurting. This post is inspired by any and all of the people out there who have been troubled by experiences of their past. And a couple in particular who have fought and are continuing to fight the struggle of acknowledgement.

You can do it =)

Thoughts for a Friday anyway. Happy Earth day everyone!

Talk soon,

B-

Stories from my grandfather

What can we gain from those who have lived a length of their life before us? I’m just sitting on the train now on the way back from Galway after visiting my Grandfather for the weekend and I am wrecked. I have been bombarded with information over this weekend without even realizing it! How lucky am I though?

We spoke about every topic under the sun and he shared many thoughts with me, some of which surprised me. He informed me about his youth and the lives of his family who came before him. He gave me a history lesson. A personal history lesson just for me, to add to my sense of personal identity. In my life, times like these are rare. It’s not very often I get to spend a full day with my grandfather, talking with him and listening to him and allowing him the platform to share what has been experienced, lived and thought for nearly 70 years.

So as I sit here I’m thinking about a promise I made him – to record the thoughts, stories and experiences of those who lived before me while I’m lucky enough to still have them around. I need to get a tape recorder. I promised.

But for now the best I can do is share some thoughts. Because I feel enlightened after hearing them and reflecting on them and also because the man wants to leave one clean grain of sand in this world. So let’s see if I can help him.

  • When you hit a slump. Go back to your basics.
  • What matters is not that you fell down, but how you get back up.
  • Hustle when you have to, but realize when you don’t have to.
  • There is something to be gained from every experience you have. Pay attention.
  • If you need to or say you’re going to do something, do it right then and there.
  • My personal favorite for when we are all retired like him: As soon as you see the sun, leave the house!
  • Know who you’re dealing with and deal in their language. (ie. sometimes you have to get crazy when you deal with crazy… ya know? You’d love to hear the stories about that. HAH.)
  • There are certain relationships in this world that are special by nature, if you are lucky enough to have one, recognize it and cherish it.

He doesn’t realize it because he thinks he’s boring me. But I appreciate his company and hearing him share pieces of himself just as much as he does. It’s also lovely to have a bit of home with me over the next few weeks. Even if I don’t see him I know he’s there. It’s a great reminder to us if we ever feel lonely in this world.

Just like the stars. You don’t have to see them to know they are there. Thanks for a great weekend gramps ❤

Talk soon

B-

Fill up your own cup.

I read this line earlier – ‘mornings are about renewal.’ WELL. It’s like that line was written right when I woke up this morning because for the first time in a while I had the morning to do whatever I wanted in that moment and it felt so great. I spent an hour and a half in the studio doing the things I wanted to do. Not just practicing, not working on my solo, just doing what I wanted to do. And I thought… now that is the way to live the day.

Happy lives are built on happy days.

Happy lives are built on happy DAYS. Happy moments even! I know I recently spoke about being present. But there is some next level shtuff happening now for me and it has to do with being present and making choices at the same time. I am choosing to do the things that light me up. To be around the people who light me up. To smell the flowers. Literally (thanks M&E you know who you are). I am choosing to actively build happy days by living happy moments.

Now… before we all get overwhelmed (and go into Bob the builder mode)… Can we do it? YES. We can. But the finesse of my thought here is this… avoid getting carried away. Do this by remaining truly truly present. Each moment goes by in the snap of a finger. So all you need to worry about is that moment. What can you do in THIS particular moment to build a happy day?

Look up. See the sun. Look out. Taste the rainbow. Pause. Take a breath. Hug a friend. Kiss a loved one. Scratch an itch for goodness sake! Whatever it is in this moment that lights you up, even the slightest bit, is the path to a happy life.

They always say – all we have is now. Have you heard that? Well listen its true. Corny but true. So right now. Now now now now … live a happy moment.

All of those moments will add up. And this is living.

Talk soon

B-

 

Perspective.

It’s been a very crazy week for me. I had my first call with my spiritual mentor on Wednesday and she and I spent a lot of time talking about responsibility and homesickness, connection and energy. I listened to the call again today and another thought dawned on me.

Time is passing, space is opening, I am living each day trying to be present but I feel like I have no control over what I’m doing. i feel like I’m not making choices, just letting things happen. Not accepting them per se but just being there for them. And then I end up feeling guilty, panicky, upset or any number of things that don’t align with who I am as a person and how I want to be living in this world. So what does that even mean? I have got the wrong perspective on my days.

That’s what hit me. My perspective is all kinds of messed up. So think about this…. and read this loud and clear, I know I will about 100 times.

Don’t just allow things to happen and try to be present. CHOOSE to allow things to happen and CHOOSE to be present in the moments.

Example… If you feel tired and you start falling asleep at your computer… this is the universe and your body simply saying: It’s time for a rest now. SO … don’t just pass out at the computer and then wake up feeling guilty. Choose to allow yourself to rest for a bit, enjoy the rest because you clearly need it, and then carry on with your life and your days. Ya know?

Choose your perspective… what does your looking glass allow you to see? When you look in the mirror, what does it reflect back? You might not be able to control it, but you damn sure can choose to allow wonderful things to be revealed to you.

Choose to allow a bit of luck into your life. Be a little superstitious from now on. Life is magical anyway.

Just a bitta thinkin on a Friday. Cyberspace – I appreciate you.

Talk soon,

B-

Writing when I feel bad.

Today feels really hard. Yesterday felt extremely hard. My parents sold my family home yesterday. I feel like the roots I had in this Earth have been uplifted without any closure. I’m not there, so what can I do? It feels surprisingly (yet also familiarly) lonely. I know I’m here, in Ireland, with a great life over here, but the biggest piece of my heart belongs with my family and I’m not there with them during this transition time in their lives. That is hard. And then there is me… I always forget about me.

But if I’m honest I am lonely and I am sad. So in the spirit of being true to me I come here to share.

I like to share my thoughts. If it makes me think, then I think… maybe someone else might think about this too. So here I am, just thinking about what is really important in this life to me. I realized I’m at a point where I am not too sure anymore.

What is important in this crazy life? That seems too big a question to answer so I spent the afternoon taking it down a notch. What feels important to me today? It’s important to me to have space for a cup of tea. It’s important to me to rest my eyes when I feel tired. It’s important to me to have nice chats with people. It’s important to me to hug and be hugged. To laugh and make others laugh. To take the time for myself that I need.

Sometimes I think I get so caught up in the particulars of life that I lose sight of the perspective, the big picture. So I’ve decided to shift my perspective. To get caught up again in the particulars of what’s important to me, for me to just be me.

So here’s the thought: What space can we carve out in our days to do things for ourselves? If you had the space, what would you do? What does space mean to you versus time?

That cup of tea is calling … loud and clear. Saying MAKE SPACE FOR ME PLEASE. I much prefer to use the word space because you see… my relationship with time is linear and filled with panic at times. So many of us seem to be constantly rushing to get things done as quickly as possible because apparently we are all running out of time. What does that even mean? Let it go and let’s all make space for the things we love to do eh?

Think about how bit OUTERSPACE is! Surely if space extends far faraway, beyond our wildest imaginations, there’s got to be a little bit in it for you and what you want/need to be your best self right? Right.

Talk soon,

B-

 

 

A steady drip is a good flow.

I woke up this morning at 615 am so that I could drive to Shannon Airport with my roommate (who is an absolute angel by the way) to pick up my Grandfather. He is visiting Ireland for the first time and he will be here for the next 6 weeks exploring the country of his heritage. I am excited for him. I also enjoyed seeing him this morning and having breakfast. It was a moment of pride for us both I think because I was able to show him my house and a little piece of the life that I have worked so hard to create over here on my own. And for him, he was able to see the fruits of my labor and was proud to see how hard I’ve worked.

He said to me that I’ve gotten my drive from my mother… that I’m not a quitter. He knows I’ve been knocked down a bit and so he mentioned to me that he was happy to see how I’ve continued to keep doing what I think is right for me. All that over a few scrambled eggs! Anyway he asked me about all of the things I was doing. Was I still doing Irish Dancing? Was I still working online? Was I still teaching classes? Was I still going on tour?

I told him that basically everything had been put on the back burner since starting this MA because I really wanted to focus on it and get the most out of it. And he said to me “Bianca, a steady drip is still a good flow, a plumber once told me that.”

WELL. How perfect and timely was that for me? I’ll tell you… I was only feeling since yesterday morning… like a bit of a nagging feeling was creeping back in about me not having done 1 million and one things lately because I took some time to relax. I have been giving everything into my course and coursework and doing some projects on the side, all to become a better dancer and performer. So after an evening off, I was already starting to be hard on myself about resting for that small amount of time. And then he reminded me, so casually, that slow and steady wins the race.

It goes along with everything that matters to me in my life right now. Being present, finding my truth, celebrating who I am. We need to just keep going doing what we can right now and doing it well. So whatever you are doing now, so long as you are sure that it is enough for you, then it is enough. And you owe it to yourself to do it to the best of your ability because it will lead you to the next thing.

There is no need to hurry up and try to rush to get to where we want to be. I read once, from a very intelligent person, that “becoming is better than being”. So what’s the rush to be? We are becoming, every second of everyday. So keep on with that steady drip, it’s still a good flow. Eventually you might find that it becomes a full blown stream.

Happy Sunday =)

Talk soon

B-