Alright Alright Alright

Let’s talk about how we get places. Let’s just really talk about that because as far as I know… teleportation doesn’t exist yet RIGHT? Definitely not because if it did I’d be in a million places a day hah!

Anyway I was reminded of something today, by someone who inspired me greatly this weekend. He talked to us about the journey… about how to get from A to Z and what it really takes. It had me thinking… how the heck did I get here?

This is the interesting thing about life I think… it really is all about the journey and I know that people say that all the time but I got smacked in the face today with a bit of life-IS-the-journey realness.

Honestly think about it now. Just entertain this for a second. You are at work or school or wherever you spend your time during the day. And you need to go home… How do you get there? Imagine the path in your head. For me it’s getting from the campus at UL to home … So basically I walk out of my building, cross the bridge, walk across campus and out, turn right up to the roundabout and keep walking till I pass the 3rd one… then turn in to my estate and up to my house.

Hmm… so there are about 7/8 different parts to that journey, and about a few hundred/thousand steps involved yeah? But I will get there – I always get home. And guess who participated in the journey the whole time? THIS GIRLLLLLL.

The point?

You have to be present throughout the journey of your life. You have to stick with every single step of the way because that IS the life you are living. It’s worth it to go from A to b, c, d, etc to get to Z because that is what makes you the person you are. You have to LIVEEEEE the points in between otherwise they just pass you by and for what? LIVE THROUGH IT ALL LOVAHS.

I had to remind myself today because I love dancing. I want to be an amazing dancer. But I have my struggles and I am very much in the middle of a process of figuring a few things out. But it will never stop. I have to live in these moments I have now because this is who I am. So I thought I would share the love. And some cyber hugs too if anyone needs em

( ) ( ) ( ) <- those are hugs!

LIVE ON THE EDGE. Talk soon

B-

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How far can you push it?

What do you think about that? Do you ever just think… oh I have to save my energy for ___. Better hold back now so I can save it for later. Do you ever go for a run and decide to take it slow for the first 19 minutes because you are running for 20… to save your energy? For what? The last minute? What about the first 19… did you gain from them if you were just holding back the whole time?

This is just an interesting concept I’ve been thinking about these past couple of days because I am here in Manchester doing the HDI Easter Camp organized by Soar UK. I love dancing. I really do… but sometimes I’m not too sure what my relationship really is with it. Until I come to intensives like this and I get smacked in the face with 100-percent-work-for-it realness. Honestly. Every single teacher in every single class has said something along the lines of  “put everything into it, dig deeper because you will never know how far you can go until you do, there is more to you so you have to allow yourself to be more and do more… ” All of these things just have me thinking… WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

What am I saving for ya know? Life is happening RIGHT NOW. So right this minute we are living and doing. Why hold back in this moment when you can give it everything and then be open for even more in the next moment? This doesn’t just apply to dancing. It applies to life. It IS life.

Why stretch your arm out 90 percent when you know that you can go that extra 10 percent if you just push it a little bit? Why not just freaking RUN for the 20 minutes instead of holding back till minute 19? If you’re gonna do something… do. it. Just do it. And really do it. You can only benefit and be better because of it. Someone said to me once that you should fail hard and fail fast. So let’s freaking go. Turbo charge this life, you know you can. When you look back what do you want your footsteps to look like? Tiny little ones because you were holding back waiting for the day you’d take the leap? Oh heckkkkk noooo. Leap now!

Don’t hold back. What are you waiting for? Life is now. Thoughts for today anyway. I’ve been inspired. Tomorrow’s Bianca will be pushing herself to be the best she can because then Monday’s B will be even better off.

Talk soon,

B-

Allowing myself to be supported

When I was younger I used to wonder. I was a perpetual wonderer. I think I still am but sometimes I feel it’s been a bit dimmed down. When I was young I could wonder about anything because I had two super heroes for parents who obviously knew everything. And if they didn’t well then surely grandma and grampa did because they were the parents of my parents so forget it. Who knew more than them?

The point is… I wondered and I asked about anything and everything and I felt completely justified in doing so. Why? Because if I really wanted to know about it, figure it out, or do it… I knew I had my supports who would help to guide me.

So what happens? Somewhere along the path of “growing up” (a whole different story for another time), we learn/are taught/pick up on this idea of having to be able to do everything ourselves and figure it out all on our own. And then what’s worse is that we lump it under the umbrella of independence. We are independent if we do everything completely on our own. If we suffer through things alone and come out the other side alive, even if barely so; then we are independent. And then what?

What in the loving universe is that about? Honestly. HOW can we do it all on our own? Sometimes we just need help. If you pick any person who you consider to be successful, anyone at all be it your mother or Beyonce, I dare you think about who stands next to them, behind them or even who stood before them in order to get where they are. Do it for a minute. So if freaking Beyonce has inspiration, support, fans, personal cheerleaders, mentors, friends and family… why shouldn’t you? And if all these people out here in the world are making acceptance speeches and thanking their parents, partners, executives, managers, fans, colleagues and whoever the heck else… what makes you think you are any different and can do it on your own? Don’t fall into the trap.

Why am I even saying all of this? (hahaha sometimes I catch myself!) I just feel like I’ve been spending so much time in my short life feeling like I have to do things on my own and like I have to suffer through it all and not let people help me because otherwise I cannot consider myself to be independent. Being independent is clearly something that is a point of personal pride for me. But the truth is … sometimes I’ve felt lonely and sad. Sometimes I’ve felt angry and full of regret. And sometimes I’ve even taken it out on people in my life for not being there for me when I wished they were.

What I’ve realized now is that I wasn’t allowing myself to let them support me. I hadn’t given permission to the people in my life to offer me support that I was wanting for because of my commitment to being “independent” (thanks Beyonce). Anyway I am going to give in to this support now. It’s surrounding me because that is what support is, it’s energy. We are constantly surrounded by energy and the Universe is here to support us however we need, but the challenge is realizing that it’s okay to do that and that you will still be you; probably more you than before.

I said this to someone recently and it actually left an impression on me … “there are people in this world who will be willing to help you just because they want to see you succeed, not because they want anything in return or to take anything away from you. You can get support from people and still maintain all of you.” So I’m gonna try to practice what I preach and I would encourage you to do the same. Allow yourself to support and be supported. Allow yourself to accept the support whether its emotionally, physically, financially, whatever it is … if you need it, ask for it and accept it when it comes because it is for you.

Sometimes we all just need help. Nobody can do this thing called life alone.  I’ve taken my first step and I will be doing a spiritual mentorship for the next 3 months. So I can be better for me and for you. It’s exciting really and I can’t help but wonder… what’s out there for me next? I’m going to get back into that wondering business… it feels good.

Let’s start now eh? =)

Talk soon,

B-

How about just be who you are?

How the heck do we do that eh? Well I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trying not to think ahaha! And it has cleared up a few things for me. I have spent so much time getting caught up in what I want to be or how I should be. You know that feeling? The feeling of putting that pressure on yourself to

“eat less carbs”, “be more polite” “be a positive person” “get a degree so you can get a job” “keep your head down and accept it” “dye your hair so you can look younger” “keep your thoughts to yourself so you seem happy”

BLAH. Blahblahblah. When you read those don’t they just seem so … forced?

So don’t force it. Be who you are. Just Be.Who.You.Are. Release the judgements, honestly. Just live. And be. Acknowledge and notice what you like, who you like, how you are and what you are doing. And let them BE.

For the past 9 days I have been participating in this 30 Day Love Yourself Challenge – I don’t know what it’s actually called ahah but that is what I’m calling it. Basically you keep a stack of post its next to your bed and every morning when you wake up – you write something nice about yourself- something that you like about yourself or something about who you are that makes you proud.

DO THIS. And trust what you write. That is who you are. Put them in places where you can see them. Read them and believe them for goodness sake. Because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. Be brave. Have the nerve.

So just be who you are because that person is probably pretty great.

That person is probably a really good cook, or a really great friend, a talented dancer or singer, a creative person, a loyal companion, a great conversationalist, a very intelligent person, a great writer, an amazing athlete, a beautiful soul… A real live person who can only be who you are.

Trust.

Talk soon,

B-

Here is my take on self-worth

You can’t put a price on your self-worth. And so what happens when people try to do that? You learn to fight for what you think is right… eventually.

Allow me to share. It hit me like a ton of bricks today and it was so gratifying. Someone was trying to sell me something. Something that I wanted and felt like I needed in order to better myself. My spiritual self.

My soul needs this thing. So it’s important. This person knows that. But something wasn’t right because what I felt like I thought I was getting and what I was actually going to be getting were not matching up. So I had a thought… is this worth doing?

Yes. But it’s worth doing right.

Why settle for less? You should be happy and you should have things the way that you want them. Even if they don’t end up that way, you should at least try. Why? Because You should feel like you are worth having the things you want, the way that you want them.

So I chanced my arm. And I tried to bargain. I haven’t heard back yet but I will let you know if the price is right for me.

In the meantime I will say this – people always say to me… “Well you can’t always have what you want.” “You can’t just go around doing whatever you want.”

Do you know what I say to them… WHY NOT? Food for thought.

Ask yourself this: What would happen if I said yes to myself? What would happen if I just did exactly what I wanted? If I always advocated for myself? What would happen? What is the price of your self-worth?

You deserve it. Go you.

Talk soon,

B-

 

Why don’t I stay awhile?

I have missed this. This here. Sitting here typing to my heart’s content and freeing my mind to allow more space for my soul to breathe. That’s what this is about for me. I have nearly avoided it for the past few months in a funny way. I realize now I was maybe trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to write because I had now regained a sense of my relationship with dancing. Well I learned the hard way. The very hard way. And so I have decided to come back and sit and type and stay a while.

I want to share something that I experienced the other day that has changed my life in a tremendous way. It has led me to this point where I am writing again and for the right reasons on top of it.

From the time I was a kid, I found life to be very overwhelming. I had anxieties about going places and leaving my parents, especially my mom. Her energy ran through me from the time I was very small even though I didn’t realize what was actually happening. Anyway for that reason I felt like I needed to support her, protect her and be near her.

This continued to happen to me in my life with many other people and I started to realize in my late teens that my intuition was unusually strong and it led me to say things that I knew were true about people, things from the depths of their souls and their psyches – but I couldn’t explain them.

I knew when something was wrong with someone before they did. Complete strangers would meet me and within minutes be telling me their life stories and deepest secrets. I would meet someone, learn something about them and then days later it would hit me and I would cry or just feel so deeply for him or her, almost as if I could experience and feel what they might be feeling.

Both of my parents went through a difficult time when I first started college and it nearly killed me. Allowing myself to feel for them hurt me so badly that I had to shut myself off. I went through a hard time after that. But through it I finally learned what to call myself- an empath. This graphic helps to generalize/explain it.

Empath

I got through it but it’s a long story. So I will skip forward to now because apparently history has repeated itself and I had myself shut off for the past couple of years in some way. How do I know? Well this past week it got cracked RIGHT open and I have been dealing with this new enlightenment since.

A couple months back I read through a magazine called Positive Life and I came across a woman who is a Channel Healer. I looked her up and subscribed to her mailing list. A few emails a week would pop into my inbox and I would always skim them because she revealed interesting things to me about the universe and so I wanted to allow myself to think about them every once in a while.

One day she sent an email saying she was offering complimentary calls with people like me and so I signed up for one. I don’t even know what made me decide to do that because I don’t usually do it and I wasn’t even sure that it would actually happen. To be honest when she emailed me back personally to schedule the call I was a bit shocked.

We scheduled it for two Mondays ago and I want to tell you a bit about it now.

First off, it was for 7 pm and we were in the studio until 645 that day. Did I mention I am doing my Masters in Contemporary Dance? I probably said it in my last post about 5 years ago lol. Man it’s great to be back! Anyway for the past two weeks we have been working on an ensemble piece and that day we had a bit of a different schedule that led us to being in later than I had expected. I was so anxious about being late for the call because I was really looking forward to it and it was almost as if I knew it was going to be so important for me.

My stress levels were through the roof though I have to say which didn’t help me when it came to the call itself because it took me a minute to calm down when I walked in the door and got on Skype.

I survived the stress anyway and I was now on Skype – audio only – with this woman who was about to reveal to me my true self.

Talking to her felt like talking to an old friend. She not only understood where I was coming from but she could feel my energy. I would feel something vibrating/tingling in my chest and throat just as she would say she could feel the energy coming up through my chest and my throat and that it was of a certain color, whatever that color might be. My entire body was tingling. She said to me it feels like a lot of my energy was going outwards. She asked me to tap into the things I mentioned to her that I wanted to be doing with my days and my life. As the seconds passed by the vibrational changes were unbelievable and completely overwhelming. I just couldn’t help but cry. It hit me hard. I had been out of touch with myself. For how long? Who knows. But I was nearly completely out of touch with what vibrates true to who I am at the core. Constantly seeking outside sources to share with so that I could regain that feeling that I used to simply have within myself. That trust in the ability to chase after and manifest what I wanted in my life. That connection with self that allowed me to be my best self for others as well. One of the biggest tangible takeaways from that talk was that I need to do the things that help me to reconnect with myself again. The first thing I mentioned in the call was wanting more time to write.

So here I am. Writing about this experience. Writing everyday in my journal about how I’m feeling. Writing down a compliment a day on a post it for the next 30 days. Writing a sentence a day in my 5 year journal about what’s happening. Writing my life, my thoughts, my feelings… writing my soul. To allow me to navigate this world. As a support. A good friend.

Welcome back, old friend. It’s great to be reacquainted.

Talk soon,

B-

 

For those of you who read this and want to talk more about the empath world, might want some advice or a chat please feel free to reach out to me in the comments and we can connect!