I have missed this. This here. Sitting here typing to my heart’s content and freeing my mind to allow more space for my soul to breathe. That’s what this is about for me. I have nearly avoided it for the past few months in a funny way. I realize now I was maybe trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to write because I had now regained a sense of my relationship with dancing. Well I learned the hard way. The very hard way. And so I have decided to come back and sit and type and stay a while.
I want to share something that I experienced the other day that has changed my life in a tremendous way. It has led me to this point where I am writing again and for the right reasons on top of it.
From the time I was a kid, I found life to be very overwhelming. I had anxieties about going places and leaving my parents, especially my mom. Her energy ran through me from the time I was very small even though I didn’t realize what was actually happening. Anyway for that reason I felt like I needed to support her, protect her and be near her.
This continued to happen to me in my life with many other people and I started to realize in my late teens that my intuition was unusually strong and it led me to say things that I knew were true about people, things from the depths of their souls and their psyches – but I couldn’t explain them.
I knew when something was wrong with someone before they did. Complete strangers would meet me and within minutes be telling me their life stories and deepest secrets. I would meet someone, learn something about them and then days later it would hit me and I would cry or just feel so deeply for him or her, almost as if I could experience and feel what they might be feeling.
Both of my parents went through a difficult time when I first started college and it nearly killed me. Allowing myself to feel for them hurt me so badly that I had to shut myself off. I went through a hard time after that. But through it I finally learned what to call myself- an empath. This graphic helps to generalize/explain it.
I got through it but it’s a long story. So I will skip forward to now because apparently history has repeated itself and I had myself shut off for the past couple of years in some way. How do I know? Well this past week it got cracked RIGHT open and I have been dealing with this new enlightenment since.
A couple months back I read through a magazine called Positive Life and I came across a woman who is a Channel Healer. I looked her up and subscribed to her mailing list. A few emails a week would pop into my inbox and I would always skim them because she revealed interesting things to me about the universe and so I wanted to allow myself to think about them every once in a while.
One day she sent an email saying she was offering complimentary calls with people like me and so I signed up for one. I don’t even know what made me decide to do that because I don’t usually do it and I wasn’t even sure that it would actually happen. To be honest when she emailed me back personally to schedule the call I was a bit shocked.
We scheduled it for two Mondays ago and I want to tell you a bit about it now.
First off, it was for 7 pm and we were in the studio until 645 that day. Did I mention I am doing my Masters in Contemporary Dance? I probably said it in my last post about 5 years ago lol. Man it’s great to be back! Anyway for the past two weeks we have been working on an ensemble piece and that day we had a bit of a different schedule that led us to being in later than I had expected. I was so anxious about being late for the call because I was really looking forward to it and it was almost as if I knew it was going to be so important for me.
My stress levels were through the roof though I have to say which didn’t help me when it came to the call itself because it took me a minute to calm down when I walked in the door and got on Skype.
I survived the stress anyway and I was now on Skype – audio only – with this woman who was about to reveal to me my true self.
Talking to her felt like talking to an old friend. She not only understood where I was coming from but she could feel my energy. I would feel something vibrating/tingling in my chest and throat just as she would say she could feel the energy coming up through my chest and my throat and that it was of a certain color, whatever that color might be. My entire body was tingling. She said to me it feels like a lot of my energy was going outwards. She asked me to tap into the things I mentioned to her that I wanted to be doing with my days and my life. As the seconds passed by the vibrational changes were unbelievable and completely overwhelming. I just couldn’t help but cry. It hit me hard. I had been out of touch with myself. For how long? Who knows. But I was nearly completely out of touch with what vibrates true to who I am at the core. Constantly seeking outside sources to share with so that I could regain that feeling that I used to simply have within myself. That trust in the ability to chase after and manifest what I wanted in my life. That connection with self that allowed me to be my best self for others as well. One of the biggest tangible takeaways from that talk was that I need to do the things that help me to reconnect with myself again. The first thing I mentioned in the call was wanting more time to write.
So here I am. Writing about this experience. Writing everyday in my journal about how I’m feeling. Writing down a compliment a day on a post it for the next 30 days. Writing a sentence a day in my 5 year journal about what’s happening. Writing my life, my thoughts, my feelings… writing my soul. To allow me to navigate this world. As a support. A good friend.
Welcome back, old friend. It’s great to be reacquainted.
For those of you who read this and want to talk more about the empath world, might want some advice or a chat please feel free to reach out to me in the comments and we can connect!