I haven’t seen the sun in days. I’ve been in the house since Sunday. Apart from a quick trip to the doctor and the pharmacy on Monday. I have been completely knocked out. I’ve slept as much as I can because standing up gives me that funny kind of feeling. You know that sit down-stand up headache? That’s what I call it anyway. When I’m sitting or even better, lying down, I feel fine and then when I stand up it all rushes to me and I feel dizzy or ill or whatever else again.
When I sleep I wake up feeling better, that’s for sure. I know that my brain has been cleaned out of all the craziness of the moments before I fell asleep. Though this is quite a crazy time in my life, ironically. I am so sick that I can barely do anything, but at the same time so many things are still happening because I am in a transition phase.
I have gotten into a show. FINALLY. A touring show. In Germany. This is THE GOAL. THE GOAL HAS BEEN ACHIEVED! My brain is exploding with pride and happiness over that. It is also reflecting. Reflecting on the journey. It has been quite a rocky bumpy roller coaster of a ride to get to this point and I am so happy to say that I’ve actually accomplished what I came here to do. I had no idea how I was going to do it really. But I want to perform. I want to be on stage and now I will for three weeks in Germany. I am thrilled about this and cannot wait to see how it goes for me. I plan on enjoying every second of it and learning heaps.
So since it starts in just over a week… well my entire life has to transition now and I have to prepare for that. This is a logistical nightmare really lol. My brain is going to fall out of my head over this. Though being sick helps me take things easy. I am slowly but surely sorting things out. And the rest of it just has to wait till after the next nap time ya know? Such is life.
But see.. this is why I wrote trying. It is trying but my body won’t let it. My heart needs time to rest. My body needs time to recuperate. My soul needs time to be nourished and loved. My pride needs time to swell and to meditate. Some times you just have to care for you. And the craziness inside the mind needs to take a seat.
So I’m lying here resting and being. Feeling and sleeping. Hoping and dreaming. My brain is getting used to it.
This will set me up for success in the next chapter of my life.