Food runs my life part 2

Are you a picky eater? Share some of your favorite food quirks with us (the more exotic, the better!). Omnivores: what’s the one thing you won’t eat?

WELL that is such a great question isn’t it? Until recently, I thought that being a picky eater meant you only liked to eat a few things. Like oh geez he is so picky he only eats chicken nuggets and waffles.

BUT I have since learned that being a picky eater can be seen as liking your food a particular way. If that is the case then I am definitely a picky eater. I am so picky because I like my food in a very particular way- the absolute best that it can be for me.

Every single meal I eat, every single snack I steal, has to be perfect. Down to the very execution of each bite, I have developed a serious habit of stacking my food and creating my plates so that each and every meal is filled with perfection. Bite by bite.

Growing up, on the weekends my dad would always get sandwiches for us for lunch. From Blimpie. Every saturday basically, we would have huge sub sandwiches with chips. It was DELICIOUS. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this. Anyway, I would get a turkey one with provolone cheese and lettuce and oil and vinegar and tomato. It was amazing, but only with a bit of preparation.

You know the way that when they make those sandwiches they just slice the turkey all over it but it mostly piles up in the middle? Then by the time you get to the end of the roll the proportion of meat to bread has gone to crap. So the first thing I would do with my sandwich was open it up and rearrange it. Guaranteed perfection in every bite. And my father? He would just take a big old bite RIGHT into the thing. And then proceed to criticize me for picking everything apart. He would always say … just eat it! It’s a sandwich! Why do you have to pick everything apart?

So that is just a little snippet anyway. I still pick things apart. But only to put them back together again and enjoy every savory bite of it. So yes… I am quite literally… a picky eater. =D

Inspired by The Daily Post

Security in doing things that take a long time

I swear…

from that moment I was determined to get to where I am today.

When, on that dreadful day – February 5th 2013- I ended up in the ER with a torn achilles tendon, I knew I was on the beginning of a verrryyyyy long journey. The first ten days felt the longest. By far. I had to see a doctor and find out exactly what the course of treatment was. I was faced with two options: surgery or no surgery basically. Either way I was told that my tendon would be repaired and I would be in a boot for a while and have extensive physical therapy.

I was in Boston at college. My family was in New Jersey. I was scared. I wanted to go home. I just wanted to be around people who could take care of me. But at the same time I was stubborn. I felt like I could do this by myself. I felt like I was challenged in this life to do lots of important things by myself up to this point so why not this one as well? I wasn’t completely alone anyway, I was with my friends. So why not get surgery in Boston?

Well my parents were NOT having that. They insisted, along with the rest of my family, that I come home and get it taken care of at home where I belonged. On the other hand, what they insisted even further was that I opt out of the surgery and let it heal on its own. They INSISTED on this one. It really stressed me out. I had a gut feeling like I needed to just get the surgery. For my peace of mind. Of course I was scared out of my mind. Of course I was. But I knew it was right. Because of how my family felt, I just wanted to stay in Boston and get it done and call it a day.

It was that one phone call with an old friend that changed it all around for me. She said to me, Bianca… get your a** home and be home. You need to be home. And you will see my doctor, she is the best and you will get through this. I knew she was the right person to call. I will always be grateful to her and her father for that. I saw the best of the best and 10 days later I was to have my surgery in NYC.

That was my decision and everyone had to respect it. Everyone did. And they helped me. Thank goodness. Because it was not easy in the slightest. No one ever tells you the reality of surgery. When you regain feeling of wherever it is that got operated on … it is possibly the most torturous thing ever. SO PAINFUL. NOBODY TOLD ME THAT!

Those ten days felt like a journey in and of itself. But the journey was just beginning- I went from a cast and crutches to a boot and crutches, to a boot and a wheelchair, to a boot and finally after 3 months I was able to start walking again. Just in time for Graduation day.

That’s right- Graduation day. I missed a month of classes because of the surgery, but I kept up with my work and I realized I had to finish college. There was no way I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to post pone it any further and I knew I could do it so I did. I went to therapy up at school and by May 2nd I had taken the boot off, just in time for our May 3rd graduation. I was a beautiful thing. I was so proud of my skinny little leg, walking me down the aisles to grab my diploma.

I spent the summer in and out of PT and Ireland lol. It was a great summer and I had grand plans for my return to the states. Too bad nothing at all went to plan… at all. My leg wasn’t right. So I made the smartest decision of my life and I went back to PT. I decided that I had to believe in myself and I deserved the best of the best. So that is where I went. To the best of the best in PT for Irish Dancers. I had found my saviors. From that point onwards I picked up 3 jobs, worked my butt off to save money and woke up multiple times a week at 6 am to get to PT for 7 am. That is dedication. I had no choice because I needed to see the day that I would dance again.

Not only did I want to dance again, but I wanted to be amazing like I used to be. I wanted to be in a show and do whatever I wanted. Those four months were some of the hardest of my life. But by the end of it I was putting my shoes back on slowly and I had also secured myself a 1 year stay in Ireland. A trip that has changed my life completely.

As I’ve lived through my months here in the Emerald Isle, I have gone from barely being able to put my shoes on to flying around the floor. I don’t even THINK about my injury anymore. It is truly a thing of the past. My thoughts have been replaced with those of my next audition, gig and now competition. I am obsessed now with increasing my fitness and perfecting my steps and jumps. The days of being obsessed with pain levels and calf raises, with trying to cultivate happy thoughts and keep the faith are gone. Long gone.

I was told I’d be dancing again after 6 months. That date was August 2013. I danced again for the first time in an Irish Dancing class on March 8th 2014. I performed again for the first time on April 15th 2014. I filmed my first audition video on April 21st 2014. I performed in my first show on August 7th 2014. I will compete again in my first championship on October 25th 2014.

There is a sense of security in a project that you know will take a while. A tangible project that is. And once you have started it, it feels secure to know that you will be working on this thing for a while, until it’s finished. I am still working away. My goals have changed as my body and mind have gotten stronger but that is the beauty in working towards a goal. I am not there yet, but I won’t stop till I get there and am satisfied with that. I will take my time.

Let your thoughts flow.

Our free-write is back by popular demand: today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less.

What did I get myself into? I have been running around like a madwoman all week! This week was auditions for UCD Dance Society and they asked me to teach the hip hop auditions. Little did I know there were gonna be a MILLION people there and we would have 2 slots of 2 hours each for 3 days. So thats 12 hours of being high energy and sweating my buns off. From 6-10 pm everyday I was doing that as well as working from the morning until the late afternoon. Yesterday, on top of auditions, I had to teach little children Irish dancing (which is SO hard). I spent 2.5 hours screaming and yelling. Then I filmed a quick video for some upcoming gigs I want to apply to and then I found myself back at the auditions for the last day.

I don’t know how the body does it. But it has GOT to be mental. Mind over matter. For sure. I just kept going and going through each day not even bothering because I was doing this for them. The auditionees. The future crewbies. So that kept me going. It is so easy to be motivated by outside factors. Of course today though… apart from the fact that it’s totally acceptable for me to be completely exhausted, I could NOT get my act together in class. Why was that you ask?

SELF-MOTIVATION! I am so self-motivated usually. My self-motivation and determination has probably gotten me this far in my life. I owe a lot of my success to that. Along with my persistence and belief in myself. Anyway that self-motivation is what helps you to push your boundaries. But when I am tired… it goes out the window. Completely goes.

So tonight of course, I let it slip. I had to be self-motivated and push myself hard and my body was so tired that my mind told itself- you aren’t able for this so just take it easy. WELL I paid for that. I didn’t dance my best. I made silly mistakes and I found myself wondering… what did I get myself into?

Am I gonna be ready in a month’s time? Am I going to be fit enough? Strong enough? Dainty enough? Confident enough?

Yes. I know I will. My determination has grown so strong over this year since I have started the journey back towards dancing again. So because of that I know that I will be all of those things and I will be able to give it my best.

It’s so easy to say that, but it’s so hard to actually do it. So here is my pledge. In ten minutes. My pledge to commit to it and give it all I’ve got. To get focused and work on making myself the most confident, strong, dainty, fit dancer I can be. One month’s time. I got this. I have sorted it all out, in just ten minutes. So here’s to the next 10x6x24x28 minutes =) (That’s roughly a month, but I don’t have time to use a calculator to multiply it because I am meant to be writing for 10 minutes straight!)

So since it’s written down, plain as day, I will have to commit now. Thank God it only takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit. I am about to make some serious habits to be at my best come end of October. It’s so EXCITING yet also nervewracking. The journey towards being the best you is never ending. I just try to make sure that I appreciate the improvements along the way. Dancing is my life. When I am not actually doing it… I wish I was doing it. When my mind wanders off I am thinking about dancing. Any type really. I just need it. So for now it’s that good aul Irish Dance.

One month… let’s go!

Ps. That photo up there- Ranelagh Arts Festival. I LOVE IT. My little town is so cute. Art is a beautiful thing.

Inspired by The Daily Post

Inspiration – A Love Story

Here is it! My story shared on the fickle heartbeat blog! Have a read – it’s a bit of an extension. As welllll it will get you ready for part 2 coming soon!

The Fickle Heartbeat

inspiration

Shared by smithbianca.

That day turned into multiple days and weeks of fabulous friendship and sleepovers and crazy nights out and tons and tons of free-spirited good times.

Sometimes my heartbeat is a bit irregular. It skips every once in a while and causes me to cough involuntarily. Some might think it strange. I know it’s irregular but it’s also unique. And it is mine.

Somewhat like my love life and my love. I read this article once about your heart having its own current basically. Electromagnetic heart waves. After reading it I decided that I must have really strong ones because I have a tendency to become really close with people after only a short amount of time. I pull them in with my heart waves I bet. I just care about them right off the bat and it’s easy for me to do that because I…

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Do you want to be my friend, circle yes or no.

If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

Here’s my question: Do you want to be my friend, yes or no? Hahah no way. But that is the way it used to be. Remember those days when you were young and you would write a note to someone that said: Circle yes or no. And you would circle it and stick it back in their locker or pass notes in class to them.

What a life. Those were the good old days. It should really be as simple as that- do you want to be my friend? If they said yes, I would consider them my friend. We would build a friendship and be friends or at least friendly with each other. That would be the right way.

But since that really isn’t what this prompt is asking, I had a thought about what I would actually ask earlier and I came up with this:

Do you like/love yourself and your life?

I would ask them something along those lines. This to me is one of the most important things in life. You should love yourself and your life. I have said since I was a young girl- If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? I still believe it. And as far as being friends with someone- a person who likes and/or loves themselves is a person who I want to be friends with because to me that single thing speaks volumes about a person’s character.

The right answer has to be anything in the positive direction. So an absolute yes, a somewhat, a sometimes, anything that gives me a sense that they do or they are trying to slash working on it- they would be a friend of mine.

I love me. Do you love you? I hope you do. If you do, let’s be friends.

Inspired by The Daily Post

Fall favorites. because fall is my favorite

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

I absolutely love it. The fall is my favorite season. These are a few of my favorite things:

Warm sweaters and scarves that you can only break out when the weather chills.

That perfect type of weather that is not too cold because its crisp. It smells like clean air.

The crunch of leaves that have fallen off the trees under your feet as you walk.

Fall meals like homemade soups, chilli, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Going apple and pumpkin picking and using the pickings to make fresh pies.

Looking outside my back door at my backyard covered in leaves.

Raking up the leaves only to jump right into the giant pile and send them all flying again.

The smell of my house that has been lit up with delicious candles because the best season has arrived.

My birthday. I love my birthday.

Thanksgiving: my favorite holiday of the year with my favorite people and the best food.

Sweet potato anything. Pumpkin ANYTHING.

Did I mention casual scarves? You know the light pretty ones that you can only wear in the fall because if you wear them in the winter you will freeze your neck off.

Fall is a season for coming together. As the days get a bit shorter and the weather gets a bit colder and we get a bit busier, we all need an extra bit of love and comfort. Fall is about comfort and family to me. It is my absolute favorite. So as September brings routine… it also brings notions of the Autumn and my heart is most certainly filled with warmth.

PS That up there- Ireland is already in full fall mode- dead leaves all over the ground and not a single second to waste around turning into a beautiful color or anything. But everything still manages to stay pretty green though =) gotta love Dublin.

Inspired by The Daily Post

Inspiration- Part 1 of a love story.

That day turned into multiple days and weeks of fabulous friendship and sleepovers and crazy nights out and tons and tons of free-spirited good times.

You should speak out strongly. Hmm, makes me think. So I will. Speak out strongly that is. Because my horoscope has inspired me. Now all you skeptics out there can keep your opinions and you are free to express them, for sure, BUT I will also express mine because I believe there is something to it. I think horoscopes have a lot of truth to them and that zodiac signs do too.

Sometimes my heartbeat is a bit irregular. It skips every once in a while and causes me to cough involuntarily. Some might think it strange. I know it’s irregular but it’s also unique. And it is mine.

Somewhat like my love life and my love. I read this article once about your heart having its own current basically. Electromagnetic heart waves. After reading it I decided that I must have really strong ones because I have a tendency to become really close with people after only a short amount of time. I pull them in with my heart waves I bet. I just care about them right off the bat and it’s easy for me to do that because I feel connected to them within minutes.

I think it’s the heart waves.

There is this one person in particular who’s heart waves MUST be complimentary to mine. About two years ago when we met, there was an instant connection; as there was with a lot of the people I met in Ireland while I was there. But this was different…looking back on it now I laugh at myself and how different it really was, though I was completely blind to it.

It was subtly different at first… I just found myself being able to share things that I wouldn’t normally share and being extremely happy when we would see each other, more so than after not having seen anyone else for a while. I remember this one time we met up by complete accident, on campus. I was on my way to class and I spent the next 35 minutes chatting away, so much so that I was about 20 minutes late to class. When my professor ended class early (only 10 minutes later) I didn’t even feel guilty!

I just felt happy. Exceptionally happy, looking back. And why? Because shortly after that, we were about to become the BEST of friends. After a night out and a day long festival and another night out (about 48 hours of drinking) we found ourselves chilling, laughing and chatting away about the madness of the previous escapades and then eventually we started talking about everything and anything.

If I tell all… I would be here forever, but I will say this: I had to leave. I had to leave the country and when I did… we were heartbroken. So so heartbroken. More so than the normal sadness of leaving a good friend behind. And we were right to feel that way. Looking back it felt like our lives had been torn apart. And they had. That must have been the beginning of the love.

 

Deep aerobics y’all.

We got tickets and that evening we experienced and became masters of the art form of Deep Aerobics. It is deep. Trust.

So my urge slash itchiness slash infection with being active and doing fun things has continued on strong! The Fringe Festival is in Dublin at the moment and I liked it on Facebook to keep up with the goings on.

Sunday afternoon a post comes up on my newsfeed with these AMAZING photos of people having a great time dancing under all of these crazy lights and things. So I click on it, naturally. It says join Miguel Guitterez (spelling?! Ahhh) for some deep aerobics. Fabulous. I’m in. And I could think of the perfect person to rope into this journey with me! So I went for it 🙂 and she agreed!

What was it like? I’ll try to explain it:
It’s outside in this square slab of concrete called the meeting house square. At the top of the square is a large raised stage that is lit up with all these fluorescent lights that shine over the square. There was definitely a fog machine somewhere as well. As you enter the square, a rush of colorful leggings and leotards, uv paint and rhinestones, glittery hair and face paint along with a few prom dresses, sweatbands and legwarmers smacks you in the face and you realize you’ve been hit with an 80s flash back. Duhhhh this is aerobics after all!

The main attraction is a man with a microphone, wearing a tie dye speedo with both a banana peel and a garbage bag hanging out of it. A nice pair of high socks accented his bare legs and his bare chest was covered in an interesting toga type shirt. His face was adorned in face paint and glitter and his head held a clontarf rugby helmet (backwards mind you) with a pretty yellow balloon attached to it.

He walked around the room, with techno and rock music blaring and he spoke through the microphone, promoting us for the next two hours as we ran around, jumped up and down, spun around, flailed our bodies all over the place, pretended to die a few times, lie on the ground a few times made a few friends. All the while he had us shouting out various things with accompanying movements:

No, no, no, yes, yes, yes, maybe, maybe, maybe, my arms are able to reach into spaces my eyes can’t see. Why, why, why? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA, there is only one nation, imagination.

Yep. That’s a good summary. Apart from the fact that it was definitely one of the weirdest things I’ve ever done. And one of the most liberating. Let’s not forget that part. One of the very few times in my adult life that I’ve been able to scream out loud without consequences. I felt elated after. It was weird but it was wonderful. And now I’m a certified deep aerobics master hehehe 🙂 good times.

You are so beautiful to meeeeeee

We’ve all heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you agree? Is all beauty contingent on a subjective point of view?

In short: Absolutely.

So what’s the full story? Well let me just start with that photo up there ^. To most- that view is beautiful, to some- that girl is beautiful, to all- it depends on their preferences, their experiences, their tastes and their definition of the word.

All beauty is subjective. The concept of beauty is defined by man. Even the dictionary can’t decide on one definition! (Look it up, you’ll see!) So I would say yes, definitely subjective.

But to me… the really cool thing about it is that since it’s subjective… there is actually beauty in everything! EVERY SINGLE THING has beauty. Why is that? Because it’s subjective! Anything… any given thing, person, animal, place is guaranteed to be seen as beautiful by someone or some standard.

THAT is GORGEOUS. And that is a lovely world. A world where everything and everyone has its/their own beauty.

With that- go out and share your beauty. I’ll share mine too!

Inspired by The Daily Post

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Happy Birthday Babygirl.

One year ago today I was so desperate.

One year ago today I was so hopeful.

One year ago today I knew I would be here.

One year ago today I had no idea how I would get here.

One year ago today I had faith that carried me through to today.

Today I am reminded of how far I have come in a year.

Today I am reminded of how lucky I am to be here.

Today I am reminded of how hard I have worked to get here.

Today I remember. Today I think. Today I reflect. Today I feel.

I feel proud of myself.

I feel excited about my future.

I feel hopeful about the achievement of my goals.

I feel successful.

I feel happy to be where I am.

I feel happy to be who I am.

I feel ready to leave certain things where they are.

I feel like I am alive and constantly living.

I am dancing and being me.

No need to explain. Thanks for the year.