Sometimes Lucky Feels Yucky.

This August has been one of the most amazing months of my life. This life has been amazing in general if I think about it. But back to August. I started off with Take the Floor, an amazing 2 weeks filled with rehearsals, dancing, and 3 shows that confirmed for me how much I love to perform and be on stage. And how much I love dancing. Then when it was over, the very same day I got back home, I went straight to Bewley’s hotel in Ballsbridge to see my lovely wonderful mother. I haven’t seen my mom since January 15th when I left to come here to Dublin and try to figure out my own way and what I wanted to do. And how to dance again the way I used to.

I still remember the day she sent me a text message asking me if Bewley’s hotel was any good. My first reaction was heck yeah it’s gorgeous and then I realized what that meant. Mom doesn’t just ask those questions for the sake of knowing, she was coming to visit! WOOHOO! I was so excited. And this all happened right in the middle of a really bad spell of homesickness.

See the thing is I absolutely love being at home and I love my family more than anything. I also love my life back in Jersey a lot. But I need to be here in Dublin. I need to be here during this time in my life like I need oxygen to breathe. So that case is closed. Anyway I waited about 2.5 months for my mom to arrive and on the way back from Take the Floor she was finally here!

We had an amaaaazing time! I will post up some pics later when I get them off of my phone… 21st century problems really. But this morning I am sitting here, writing this, because I can’t sleep now that she has gone off to the airport. It’s 6:33 am on August the 19th and my mom has left me. It feels just the same as when I was 5 and mom left me with the babysitter so that she could go to work. I cried like a baby back then and I did today as well. It never gets easier. That woman is unbelievable and it was so nice to have her here with me for a little over a week.

I got to show her my life here which is really important to me because I want her to see that I am happy. I also want Mom to like Dublin because I love it. I think she does. We walked around town on a walking tour, did a literary pub crawl (which was actually entertaining despite how dull it sounds), went to Howth for some dinner and saw a few museums among other things. I got to show her my beautiful city and my very first real apartment! It was a fantastic trip. We spent a lot of time together and I got to live in a hotel for a week =)

But now it’s over. And I sat for 15 minutes by the window watching my mom wait at the bus stop. I spoke to her while I waited, though I know she couldn’t hear me. Just telling her how much I love her and how great it was to see her. I will see her again at Christmas. I am lucky to have had her here to visit. As I sat there and cried and talked basically to myself, I realized… sometimes lucky feels yucky.

As lucky as I am to have had mom come visit, it feels horrible to see her go. Christmas can’t come soon enough! I love you, little mom, thanks for coming to visit.


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