You can make a home wherever you go.

Isn’t it funny how people can get hung up on logistics and details? You want a certain thing but it has to be a certain way or you won’t be happy. Everything must be prepackaged just the way you like it or it isn’t for you. Is that right?

Does that even make sense? I don’t think I believe in that but I’m starting to try and apply it and it’s not working for me. I’m looking for apartments for next year you see. I’m trying to find a place to live in Limerick, Ireland because I am attending the University of Limerick for my masters. I’m sooo excited but it’s also getting to be a bit of a headache looking for a place to live. Especially knowing that I don’t really have anyone down there to stay with.

I’m used to being in Dublin and it’s where I’ve been living for the past year and a half so I’m excited for a change of scenery, but the excitement wanes slightly when the thought of the scenery is a cardboard box on the street. LOL okay fine I’m not going to be homeless but still, there aren’t as many options as I would like AND on top of it I’m looking for that perfect package.

I just know that I want my place to be a certain way and why not right? You should be able to have standards. BUT if there’s anything I know about myself and anything I’ve learned, it’s that I can make a home wherever I go. Every time my love and I go away I unpack straight away and line up our things in the bathroom and whatever else needs to be done because then it feels like a place you can enjoy. Then it feels homey.

So honestly I feel like if it comes to the point (and it won’t because I have faith in the universe) where I have to settle for something less than my ideal situation, all I really need is my journal, a few photos and a few pieces of home and I’ll make the best of it.

Even though I am sitting here and little Bee is like… NO. You are going to be tired everyday after dancing you are going to want a nice place that is close to school where you can go and be alone and relax. Sleep in your own big bed and shower in your own shower in your owwwnnnn bathroom and not deal with noisy messy people.

Yes. AMEN. Yes yes and yes. Of course. But you really can make a home wherever you go. And then I started thinking about the daily prompt I read earlier in my inbox.

So if we had a chance to get on a NASA voyager and bring the best of the human culture with us … just think- what would you need to make a home? For me it’s about the company, the comfort and the treats. So let’s all bring our favorite people, our most prized possessions, try to strip down the materialism if we can and we will be just fine.

I’m just a dreamer

Just this morning I had the most vivid dream I’ve had in a while. I’ll tell you about one that I always have and then I’ll tell you this mornings because that is more detailed.

Here is my recurring saga-

All of a sudden I’m running. I don’t know where I’m running to but I can’t stop because I haven’t ever felt this sense of urgency combined with fear in my life. As I’m running though… my teeth are falling out. I’m clutching my mouth trying to save them but it’s like gravity is just sucking them right out of my mouth and into the abyss behind me. The teeth are going, going gone. They are JUST GONE. They are flying everywhere and I can’t save them. I’m running, I’m panicking, my teeth are flying, my eyes are crying, my heart is pounding…

And then I wake up- I’ve never gotten to the point where I have no teeth. So don’t ask me about what would happen next because I have no idea.

Now THIS morning. Bright and early after I let the dog out, in my half sleep, I had this most vivid dreams. Do you ever get that? Those early morning half asleep/half awake dreams that are the most clear? Well this one was so loud I couldn’t believe I was asleep when I woke from it (it is a bit vulgar so be prepared ya’ll).

I’m getting ready. I have to go! I need to be at the studio and have enough time to practice before I have to leave for work. But I can’t – I’m trying to get dressed and my mom is blocking me. Not physically but some other way that I’m unaware of. But I know in my mind that it is her blocking me so I can’t go to the studio yet. I’m getting so anxious that I’m trying to run around and grab my things but the time seems to be flying at hyper speed and I’m stuck hitting the pause button.

Then as I feel like I’m ready to run out the door, whether I’m ready or not, my mother is there at the bottom of the stairs. We have a gate – like a baby gate- that we use for the dog. It’s open and she is standing there holding a little boy. I realize it’s my little brother. He’s 15 now but I see that he is clearly only a little boy – maybe about 3 or 4. She is holding him up and he is naked. Why is he naked I’m thinking? Why are they standing there? Why don’t they just LET ME GO! Then he starts to urinate. On the stairs. PEEING ON THE STAIRS. This is is surreal. How am I going to get down now and out the door? This obstacle is blocking my way and I start to panic. I look at the clock and it’s 7:47. It’s over, there’s no time. I start to cry.

And then my alarm goes off- 6:35 AM and I am up and at em. 15 minutes later I’m out the door on my way to the studio.

Thank god.

Dreams are funny. What in the world was that about?

 

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).”

Of Flattery

I’m just thinking about how that makes me feel. Being imitated. I used to get so annoyed with it. I don’t find it to be the highest form of flattery. Well at least I didn’t until I really started exploring the creative arts. I remember when I was growing up someone would come to school with a really cool pair of sneakers or a really nice dress and then all of a sudden within the following weeks everyone else was wearing it too. Isn’t that how trends start? How information gets passed on?

8 year old me didn’t care about that! She just wanted everyone to stop wearing the same dress as her because that was the dress that her mom bought her, specially for her. That was hers and why was everyone else trying to look like her? They were just jealous she thought.

If I could go back and talk to little B I would tell her that she hadn’t a clue about just how flattering that is. And that she would be doing it too! When you do something that people admire, whether it is because it is beautiful, creative or bold, (whatever the reason really!) people will pick up on it. They will want to learn about it and embrace it, they will imitate it because it is valuable information that is meant to be passed on.

This is how things work in the arts. If any artist, dancer, singer, songwriter, graphic designer, whatever – thinks that they are creating something completely new and original they are wrong. I want to tell you a story.

I made a piece of art. I worked with some amazing people. I can never thank them enough. We created magic together. I felt like it was my baby. My brain child. It was because I had spent so much time on it and really taken the inspiration to heart. I had made it my own and it had my stamp on it. The piece touched a lot of hearts. It made a difference and I was so happy. 

And then it happened. Someone presented a similar piece of art on a similar if not larger platform and I was upset. Why were they copying me? This was my great work and with our stamp on it, not for anyone else to recreate.

::cue reality check:: I was chasing after something that I wasn’t actually entitled to. I did not invent the wheel. I realized after the fact with some time to think that this art was only the way it was because of everything that has existed prior to it’s creation. Where did the ideas come from? The people who helped ? My inspiration and my interpretation? The combination is unique but the ingredients are timeless, never to be invented again but constantly reinvented. 

It was humbling. It was my little piece of genius, influenced by the past lives of everyone and everything that served to be a part of it’s existence. 

I learned a lot from that experience. I want to be a really good reinventor – educated in imitating. So much so that I am continuously able to rejig the ingredients of life to keep creating my art. I am grateful to my inspirations. 

They say that imitation is the highest form. Of flattery that is. What do you think? Has this happened to you?

Thank you Of Opinions for the inspiration =)

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Sincerest Form of Flattery.”

She doesn’t mind.

There once was a time where every single song reminded me of that time. Of that place. When I left Dublin the first time I was heartbroken. I had never had an experience like that in my life before. I had fallen so deeply in love with the place (and a particular person) without even realizing just how hard I’d fallen till I left.

This song though… I taught my first ever class to this song. To those amazing people who at the time were my life. Every time the song came on for months after I left they would tell me and every time I heard it I would just be immediately transported back to that semester I spent at UCD in Dublin and particularly the time I spent with the people who I had the pleasure of dancing with that semester.

We danced our a$$es off during that class. I had 3 hours to teach and I took the entire 3 hours because by the time we learned the routine it was time to DANCE. They took a video of it as well which I remember watching and thinking- I can’t believe I did it! Thinking back to that first class I was SO nervous, little did I know that I would be kicking off a series of other opportunities for me to teach my choreography to other amazing dancers.

I made life long friends in that class – not just because of that class of course- but that song gave me the opportunity to share a piece of myself with people who were important to me, so it’s special to me.

That song though… it was such a jam, the kind of song that you’d love to hear in the club. Sean Paul killed it with that one.

It’s so funny how things get engrained in your memory and what your senses add to it. I have a vivid memory of what everything in that entire room looked like during my class- I can think of it every time the song comes on. I also get flashbacks of the clubs we used to go to – the smells of alcohol and perfume, the sights of extremely inebriated young people walking around, tastes of 3AM chinese food and the feelings of waking up the next day with a room full of friends who just want to lie around and chat about the previous night’s shenanigans.

I love that song. I love those times. I love those people- they are still some of my favorites. And Dublin? He still has my heart as well. And that particular person? So does she =)

Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbUBMklQSVU

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”

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L is for Learning.

L is for life. L is for learning. So therefore… Life is for learning right? I think so.

I am sitting here thinking about the practice that I am going to be doing in the next few minutes for a showcase this Saturday as a part of the Riverdance Summer School. It just has me thinking (apart from thinking about the steps like crazy-Thank GOODNESS for YouTube right now – I will be studying all evening!) about how much things have changed for me in the past few months since I found out I first got in.

I can’t exactly remember what I was thinking back then, but there is definitely a difference in the person I am now. All I want to get out of every day that I’m there is to feel like I worked my hardest and I learned something new. I have picked up so many things just from being around the cast that I honestly don’t know if my mind would have been open to just a few months ago.

My neuro background has always got me buzzing about why it is that people do what they do. Are some of us just born with it… we know what we want to do, we are naturally just amazing at it, we have a predisposition to be a stand out at a certain thing?

Want to know what I think? Absolutely not. Hard work has got to be the most honest thing in this world. If you work harder than you ever imagined possible, you become the “natural” who everyone wants to be. The one who is revered for their natural talents. Want to know something about those naturals? They worked their …. BUNS off to get there. The cast of Riverdance are a true example of what hard work can do. These inspiring individuals work hard. The standard that they expect from us is simply a reflection of the standard that they demand from themselves. I am so grateful to be present with them this week.

You can connect with your body and your mind. You can change your brain chemistry if you want to. Push yourself, get used to doing things differently because you are trying harder. Constantly push yourself to the next level. Why in the world not? You have no reason not to.

So the difference between me then and me now? I have a goal… to max myself out in terms of effort.  Try my absolute hardest at things I want to do or be.

 

I want to be a hard worker, not a natural. How about you? 

 

Talk soon,

B-

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I miss this…

Well here I am again! I love writing but I still feel like I haven’t figured this out. Blogging turns me off every once in a while, every time I’m too afraid of what I have to say.

But since I’ve gotten home, and particularly since this trip, I have been becoming.


  
  
  
  

Becoming braver. Becoming a harder worker. Becoming more accepting. Becoming a self-carer. Loving myself for who I am right now.

My goodness I had a melt down the other night. I was trying to explain myself and when I didn’t workout I lost it. I had thought that this summer was going to be all I needed to get back on track. Well I was wrong. Wrongoooooo.

But I’m making so much progress because what I want is just to accept myself. To learn new things and not worry about having to be amazig at them right away. To love and be loved freely without the pressure of society and family ties getting to be too much.

I wasn’t sure what all of this was even about until this trip right up there. I had some time to talk about it with close friends- it being life it suppose lol and since then I am on my way to living more freely and truer to myself every day.

I just realized that I am not compassionate to myself really at all. Who can relate ?

Like this: you wake up late one morning and you are a failure, you’re never gonna get all your things done and you’ll be late on top of it.

BUT: your friend is late every single time you meet up and you forgive him willingly. You’ve been told you have the patience of a saint.

This is me… And I’m done beating myself up now. I once read in an amazing book called Mindset: “becoming is better than being”.

I want to live that mantra. AND SO! I think we should all be kinder to ourselves.

Treat yourself as you would treat others. How’s that for a golden rule eh ?! I like it.

As my love says: be gentle with my girlfriend. Thanks beautiful I think it’s about time I acknowledge the wisdom in that statement. So let’s all do something today: let it be.

Live and let live ya’ll.

Talk soon,

B-

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I’ve been cooking up a storm!

OH mannnnnnnn have I been cooking up a storm. Since #whatididforlove is over with now, I’ve been spending a lot of time hanging around the house just doing things for myself. Feeling guilty about it of course but in between pangs of guilt I’m enjoying it thoroughly lol. That is sooo lame lol sometimes I read the words I write as they hit the screen and I’m like…. HAH whattt am I like? Anyway I’ve taken a major liking (or re-liking in some cases) to the following ingredients:

  • Sweet potato, Peppers, Carrots, Broccoli
  • Brown seedy wraps/tortillas, Brown Rice
  • Chick peas, Mixed beans, Red Lentils
  • Tikka masala sauce, Korma, Jalfrezi, Jalapeño hummus

OH MANNNNN I wish I’d been taking pictures because the amount of delicious things you can make with these amazing foods is unreal! I’ve been having sweet potato, lentil and pepper jalfrezi wraps. Or broccoli, chickpea and pepper korma. Mixed bean, broccoli, carrot and pepper tikka masala anyone? With a nice heaping pile of brown rice stopppppp.

Then I have been thrown into baking again. Apple or blueberry anything at all really. Can’t help myself- I’ve made apple pie, blueberry tarts, apple crumbles and the like over the past couple of weeks and I can’t even help myself! Anything for a hot dessert with a bit of ice cream.

Then I started to notice a pattern. Less dancing, less writing, more cooking and baking… it’s my newest latest escape.

I’m a head-case. 100 percent. I know it. Being extremely empathic makes me that way. Being hard on myself also makes me that way and so does perseverating. So because of those things (that’s the shortlist) I find myself needing a lot of “me” time. However, as we all know, life can be crazy and it’s easy to feel like certain things need to take priority over others. Aka – laundry, dinner, bills, work, kids, partners, etc over you.

SO the way I cope is by engaging in activities that allow me to enjoy myself and have a bit of introspective me-figuringoutmythoughtsandfeelings- time. Usually and most often it’s dancing. But a lot of the times I write (especially when I physically can’t or don’t have access to dancing). Lately like I said I’ve been cooking these delicious lunches and dinners and desserts. It has really kept me going and it has allowed me to meditate in a way. Just let myself absentmindedly carry on while my body is focusing on one or a couple repetitive tasks.

I’ve listened to TED talks that have changed my perspective on how I see myself. I’ve listened to spiritual talks about how to care for myself better. Then I’ve just let my thoughts and the contents of my brain marinate for a little. I’ve literally been cooking up a storm… a brainstorm.

I’m really enjoying it though like I said, because after an hour or so of the cooking/baking I’m left with the following:

  • a clearer head
  • a microgoal or two
  • feeling better about myself than previously
  • a calm mind
  • SOMETHING DELICIOUS YAHHHHH =D

How can you go wrong? Do it.