Who says you can’t do that?

Did you know today is Blog Action Day? Join bloggers from around the world and write a post about what inequality means to you. Have you ever encountered it in your daily life?

Quite simply it means this- Joe has 5 apples and Paul has 3. So that is inequality. Joe has more apples- most would agree that Joe is better off. Unless we say – all the apples are rotten. So if Paul has 3 apples- he is better off. Either way someone else is getting the better end of the deal… because “they” have determined the standard of what is good or right in that instance. Because of that… someone is better and someone else is worse- inequality. LAME.

It is so lame. Who says you can’t do something and who says that what you have isn’t as good as what someone else has and who says that having x amount of something is not right? I see inequality wreck people’s confidence and lives even. I think it can be hurtful when people are hit with a dose of it and yes absolutely I have seen it in my daily life.

I have to say the worst is when talented people get it in to their head that someone else is better than them… and then the talent is wasted. That is inequality at its worst. That is what bugs me. That deep down, ingrained in your head, inequality that causes a person to feel inferior to another. It is a waste of all the beautiful talent that there is in the world.

I am so guilty of it. In years past I have compared myself to other dancers and it has knocked me down. No more. NO. MORE.

I think this is a thing that is perpetuated because people have taken it on board to decide things for others and those whom are in question have felt the pressure to believe or accept that inequality label.

Obviously it is clear in some cases that things are not right. Aka men getting paid more than women for the same jobs. LAME.

But in other, less objective ways, people’s confidences have been knocked because of inequalities inducing fear and eventually belief and acceptance of these “inequalities”. I think it needs to stop. We need to restore confidence in the beautiful people of the world. Everyone is different- different is a spectrum, but it doesn’t mean that one thing has to be better than the other. The world will still go around even if we don’t have a standard for everything and make certain people feel less than others.

Amen.

Inspired by The Daily Post

An extra hour to … SLEEP?!

Good news — another hour has just been added to every 24-hour day (don’t ask us how. We have powers). How do you use those extra sixty minutes?

Nooooo… I thought about it. But no. After my last rant it makes sense that if I had an extra hour in each day that I would just sleep. It would be GLORIOUS. But I have to say… I already know it wouldn’t be what I would actually do with an extra hour a day.

So what is it then? What the heckkkk would I do with that precious hour? I’d probably tweeze my bushy eyebrows that have been forgotten about in the past month. I’d probably vacuum my carpet that hasn’t been properly shown love since the middle of July. I guess I would have to probably update my stinkin CVs that have been hanging over my head for weeks now. I would catch up ya know? Do all the little teeny things that go unnoticed day by day because they aren’t immediate.

25 hours a day… I don’t know what I would really do with that though… but I do know this. It would be something for ME and something that I like. I definitely would NOT spend it:

  • working
  • complaining
  • doing anything crap – ie. dishes, laundry, taking out garbage etc.
  • crying … lol- yes I have to write this here because I cry for everything
  • watching TV/sitting on my butt. – I had to think hard about this one though because that is what I NEEEDDD sometimes… aka where is the SLEEEP?!?!?!?!

But I won’t do that ^^^. I will use it to nourish my mind and my soul. I’d probably write. I’d write here and I’d pay more attention to my journal. It clears my head. And eat. I would definitely eat more just because. I might dance… but not Irish. Whatever kind of dancing I want to do. Nothing stressful ya know? I would do only happy, stress-less things. And get hugs and see friends and talk to my lovely parents and my brother who I miss every single day.  I’d write letters to people and post cards! I’d do all of the things that are the simplicities in life. The beautiful little things that seem to slip away when life gets too busy.

Oh and I’d still definitely tweeze my eyebrows- that would probably take the whole first extra hour of the first day.

Inspired by The Daily Post

Where is the sleep?!

I am so DESPERATE.I have to say I am feeling so desperate. WHERE IS THE SLEEP!?! THERE IS NO TIME FOR SLEEP ANYMORE!

My left eye has been twitching since the middle of August. I hate my former self right now for talking about how GREAT it would be to get back into the fall routine and what routine brings and blahblah.

Though… LIGHTBULB… I actually don’t feel like I have any routine at the moment. I just keep adding projects on to my life. There is a phrase here in Ireland and it goes: “It’s all go” … meaning… everything is CRAZY. Well thats what I think. And that’s also how I feel. Every day I wake up to go to work and I am so tired. The sun isn’t even up half the time anymore and that makes it even harder to get up. When I get out of work I have barely 2 hours to myself before I either need to be at rehearsals or dance class or the gym and it is NUTSO. Absolutely nuts. It’s amazing but I am also getting SOOOO tired.

My body is physically able. I am doing it all. But inside my head I am crying because I just want to sleep.

I’ve had a pounding headache since I woke up and I just drank a Lemsip for the paracetamol ahaha what has everything come to!

Being busy is so good and I am doing all the things I love … almost all of the time. So it really is wonderful and I am surrounded by so many great people and all of that, but WHERE IS THE SLEEP. Seriously.

I am living for the weekend now because I just want to lie in my bed and sleep for 12/13 hours if I want to. To be honest it won’t even be a matter of wants anymore. It is a matter of pure necessity. If I don’t rest soon I think that the next time someone approaches me they are just going to get : falsdkjfslkdfjslkj or (                      ) <– gibberish or a whole buncha nothing (obvs).

My body is sore in places that I haven’t felt soreness … basically ever. These tiny little crevices of my shoulder blades or my elbows are actually sore… SORE. What is that? It’s the lack of sleep. Has to be. Who gets a sore funny bone from the gym? Nobody. Just a tired little lump on the side of the road trying to get through the days without cracking. Aka me.

I made a pizza last night after rehearsals… I don’t know how I had the energy to do it but my belly rules my life so I mustered up the strength. When it was done I took it out and tried to cut it in half. It proceeded to break apart into a million pieces … the entire center just separated itself from the outside of the pizza. So instead of having two halfs I had two outlines … two C shapes basically… and then two smaller semi circles… with cheesy saucy vegetably mess everywhere. In the process of cutting the pizza I burned my hand on the rack twice and I also proceeded to nearly eat tin foil because it was stuck to the bottom and I nearly didn’t realize it. I had to give up. I had to walk away because I was genuinely on the verge of tears.

Thank god Elayne was there or I would have just left the pizza there to rot over night and went to bed starving and depressed and probably with salty ridiculous tears running down my face.

And today… well today I am just trudging. The definition of trudging through the day. And not even on purpose. I just need to exert minimum energy for a little while so I can get it together before class tonight. Once that is over then I am going to PASS OUT. I have to. I HAVE TOOOOOOO> AHHHHHHHH.

Exhaustion==> delirium ==> BEYOND.

Just so happens to be related to The Daily Post free write prompt!

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I have so much to say

I just have so much to say. I am feeling super reflective lately because I am finally realizing just how much I love the life I have made here in Dublin. I’ve always loved it here… but mannnn this is unbelievable. I am also extremely happy that I have finally found a place and a way to express my thoughts to you. 

Today was my first ever corporate event. I planned the whole thing from start to finish on my own and it was absolutely thrilling to see it all fall into place. The event was set to start at 8:30 and at that time it was dull. Extremely dull and I was worried. Not very many people were there, a ton of people were late or stuck in traffic and I was super nervous. We had tons of food and cupcakes and goodies and it would all be wasted without the people who registered to come and fill the room.

WELL… people must have just been waiting to all show up at the same time because the event started at like 930/10 and it was BUZZING. Absolutely buzzing. It was amazing. I was so proud to be running around that room like a chicken with my head cut off. There was so much talent in the room today and it was reassuring to talk to people who have made it a priority to create their life’s work out of their passion.

As we all know, that is what I’m here to do. So in that moment, that I had a chat with a woman who said … yeah you just have to keep reminding yourself that you’re not mad, I felt overwhelmed with emotions. I was so exhilarated because I was on such high from the success of the event, then I was so proud to have landed this job that allowed me the opportunity to even learn how to do something like this, I was so inspired by the conversations and the people whom I had met and lastly I felt relieved… I am not crazy for chasing after what I want. It’s nice to hear that from somebody else.

It was great and I think it actually inspired me to dance as well as I did in class tonight. Those kind of things are what clear the head every once in a while and bring you back down to Earth ya know?

Then after the event… I got a massive coming down off of the high/event withdrawal belly ache… humph. So worth it though.

And with that I bid you goodnight and sweet dreams.

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A Love that Grows: Part 2 of a love story

I didn’t really have to think about it. I just said yes. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But I knew how I felt and I felt so happy and so alive. So I said yes.

We spent the next 7 months talking every SINGLE day all day as much as we could. I had “jet lag” that just happened to wake me up at 530am everyday (1030am Dublin time) and we also found ourselves on Skype till 11/12 in the evening Jersey time (4/5 am Dublin time). We were NUTS. Absolutely nuts. And there were a few times that I thought this was abnormal, but really for the  most part I just did what I did.

When Christmas came that year I was more excited than usual because shortly after we were to be reunited. Well WHATTT a reunion it was.

On December the 28th I woke up at 6 am to drive myself up to Boston Logan airport. I had a few things to do up at school and I was driving back home that night so I left early. As I drove the sun rose and it was absolutely beautiful. It was like a sign of the beautiful times that were to come. Little did I know.

Four pm finally rolled around and it was time to drive to the airport. I didn’t know how to feel to be honest but I was SO EXCITED to not be on my phone all day.

I sat outside the arrivals platform and waited for the call. I had given pretty half-a**ed directions so I was living on a prayer that I would get a call within minutes.

I got a call from a random number after a while and no sound…!!!!!! I was freaking out. What if something happened ?! I called my dad panicking and he started to tell me how my plan was flawed. So I hung up of course lol. And then THANK GOD I did because I got another phone call and I answered it and rannnn inside the airport looking around. Next thing I know someone hugs me from behind and that is it. The craziest time of my life was about to begin.

We drove home and the time flew because we were just chatting away. There was snow everywhere and every five minutes I had to avoid a giant slow avalanche flying off of someone else’s roof. We got home and hung out with my parents. It was so great to be in the same place again. And to be in my place. With my family. Everything was perfect.

The next week and a half flew by. And over that week and a half a love developed that I truly did not see coming. But I know now that it must have been there a while because when we were on our own it came so naturally to us to love each other. Before we saw each other again I had no idea any of this would have happened but by the end of the trip (3 weeks later) we were together. A few days before our ominous parting we decided to make it official. I had to ask to be asked out lol but it was because my other half knew that it would be impossible to live without knowing we were together.

How did it happen? Well we went to dinner and decided it was time to talk about what had been going on. We knew that we were going to be separated soon, and we also had been going with the flow up until this point but we couldn’t leave it like that going forward. So over some chicken parm and lasagna we decided to suss it out. I asked if we were allowed to see other people, and if I was with someone else how that would work out? After a long pause I received a response that basically was – HECK NO YOU CANNOT GET WITH ANYONE ELSE. Lol it wasn’t spelled out so clearly, but it was a brave moment because it took a lot of courage to speak up and say… em nope I don’t want that. I would hate that. So then I said … well then it’s like we are together… but you haven’t asked me out yet. – HINT HINT lol. After another pause… “Will you go out with me?” Me: hahahhah no…. Yes!

We went home from dinner holding hands and being happy. The way that couples should.

After only a few days together as a couple, it was time to say good bye. We went together to the airport and I think I felt sick the entire time. We had written letters to each other before we left so that we’d have something to hang on to and so I knew that was waiting for me when I got back to my lonely room. I felt like a piece of my heart was getting on a plane and leaving.

We proceeded to suffer through a year of super long distance- 3000 miles and 5 hours long distance- just surviving off of the adrenaline of the last happy moment.

I was living on my phone. My life was in my phone. My Love was in my phone. What else could I do? I felt constantly torn between two worlds. My reality and my cyber world- where such a powerful, passionate and unwavering love existed. I also had my doubts because this was new territory for me in so many ways. Being across an ocean didn’t make it any easier obviously.

Over that next year I’d say we spent about $5000 on travel between us. Just flying back and forth to see each other. I had plans to fly over end of February and ended up having to have surgery after a dance injury so the plans got changed quickly and flight plans were made in the opposite direction. I don’t know where I would have been without that visit. Being together is what got me through that absolutely horrible time in my life. After graduation in May we were reunited again for 1.5 weeks 2 MONTHS! HAH! We planned a trip that ended up lasting 2 months because we couldn’t bare to leave each other after only 1.5 weeks- so flights were canceled and rescheduled and everyone was just going to have to deal with our spur of the moment plans. We had most of the summer together as I flew over to Ireland then that August for 6 weeks. We were lucky. But we were broke.

After my summer trip to Ireland it was back home for 4 months… our longest stretch of time since the beginning of it all. It had to be done though because college was back on in Dublin and I was set to work for the next while so that I could save up for a visa to Ireland. I had to go back. I always knew I wanted to go back- for myself, my love of the country and my dancing. But now the draw was huge. My relationship could be whole again if I was able to move over there for a while. I worked 3 jobs and saved up because I knew it was worth it. It was probably the hardest time of my life as I was going through PT, trying to get myself dancing again, working these jobs that I was massively overqualified for having just earned a degree in Neuroscience, and constantly checking my phone to see if I had any texts, calls or fb messages from the only person I wanted to be around.

I was LIVING for New Year’s Eve. It would be our second one together but this one would be even more amazing because we were together and we would finally physically be together after 4 months. Every time we were together it was like a dream. A pure fairy tale honestly. I couldn’t believe that there was someone in the world who could love me so much and every time we were together we were able to expand on it. It was like we spent the time apart cultivating a love that would only grow deeper and stronger with every visit together.

Any time I had my doubts, I would be worried that I couldn’t do this for much longer or I just didn’t want to do it anymore (which I think is normal), I would just think about how great it would be to finally be together again. And it really and truly was. When I answered that door on New Year’s Eve last year I was shocked. Shocked at how quickly all of that love just rushed back into me and how genuinely happy I was to see my babe again. It was unbelievable.

We had the most amazing 2 weeks in the states and this time… we went to the airport together. Back to Ireland as a couple, no more long distance.

 

We made it.

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This year has been a blessing.

And then we won! I couldn’t believe it!

I have to just take a minute here. To be thankful and grateful and feel blessed because I am. This past week I have danced every single day (till yesterday) and I made my TV debut!! We were asked to participate in Ireland’s An Jig Gig TV show- kind of like an Irish Dancing X Factor. After a 4 hour rehearsal on Monday night, we left feeling somewhat unsure of what we were going to get up there and do on Wednesday. None of us had any time to have another rehearsal so we knew we would have to leave it till then.

I left feeling a bit underwhelmed and it just seemed like it hadn’t hit us that this was a big deal. We were going to be ON TV! I wanted to feel more excited about it but I kind of didn’t. So I just went to bed thinking about the fact that this was a great opportunity for me, even if I didn’t feel like it at the time.

The next day was Tuesday- I had class that night and I just did NOT want to go. I didn’t want to go at all. I was questioning the whole thing. Why was I going to class at all? I just wasn’t feeling it. But of course I went. I said I was going to . I’m big on that. When you say you’re going to do something you should do it. So I went. And we did a 40 minute warm up. Time to get the fitness up is what they said. I danced like crap at first. Absolute crap. I got scolded a bit- saying I really need to get it together and this kind of dancing is unacceptable. I’ve heard it before. But this time I knew it was true. So after that- something just clicked in my head. And I DANCED. I just danced. I stepped it up a million notches and the rest of the class flew by. It is time to work. Everything I doubted earlier in the day just went away because I rediscovered that confidence I had in myself and my dancing.

It set me up for the next day- Wednesday- After teaching I went straight to the RTE studios where we were set to film our episode of Jig Gig. We got there and were asked to get changed straight away for our run through. We went in- sat down for a few and that’s when I started to get a bit nervous. I was a bit unsure of myself and when we saw the stage we were definitely surprised. So as I sat in my chair waiting for our turn to go up I just kept trying to run through the dance in my head but I realized that I just needed to get out there and go through it to get it together. We went up on stage and ran through it twice and it was AWFUL. You know what they say about a horrible dress rehearsal though… and it has been proven before with Take the Floor over the summer.

We got some commentary that basically was like- we know you haven’t practiced this enough… so go practice before the show starts. So that was another kick up the butt. I ran through it about 100 times before we went back out there because this time it was for real and this time there were people watching. People who I love were watching. So when we went back out there the next time I decided to do what I do best- perform. And I did! We all stepped it up and the performance was great! (We had to do it again though lol. Camera failures… ) After that we stood up there for AGES while we spoke to the presenter. Did I mention the show is completely in Irish? Yeah so I had basically NO idea what they were saying to us the entire time lol. It was rough. I just smiled and laughed the whole time- even if the judges were giving us criticism. I had no idea anyway.

When we finally got outta there we were thrilled! We had managed to pull it off and now we were free to relax! We were done! Or so we thought… We were all called out at the end to hear the results of who was the best act that night and who would move on to the semifinal. They placed us all in our spots on stage and asked us to look really serious for a minute… I guess to build up the suspense. Well that was the HARDEST thing EVER! Lol we all started laughing silently and then after a minute we just couldn’t stop! I think I was crying at one point. I couldn’t wait for the camera to turn off us so I could just let it out lol. They probably hated us. But they didn’t hate us that much obviously…

=D It was a great day! I learned an Irish word- Le Cheile- means together- the name that they gave our group and didn’t tell me! So naturally I remained clueless every time they called our name- and proceeded to shout out loud: OMG is that us?! HAH Well it was us. On to the next one =) November 6th- MY BIRTHDAY. Happy early birthday to me. And the lesson is this- take things seriously because you never know what you can accomplish.

So far this year I’ve directed my own piece, gotten back into dancing, been in a show, been on the radio (twice!) and now on TV. I never thought it would be this amazing of an experience. But my gut knew I needed to be here. Ireland, you’ve been an absolute blessing to me.

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Food runs my life part 2

Are you a picky eater? Share some of your favorite food quirks with us (the more exotic, the better!). Omnivores: what’s the one thing you won’t eat?

WELL that is such a great question isn’t it? Until recently, I thought that being a picky eater meant you only liked to eat a few things. Like oh geez he is so picky he only eats chicken nuggets and waffles.

BUT I have since learned that being a picky eater can be seen as liking your food a particular way. If that is the case then I am definitely a picky eater. I am so picky because I like my food in a very particular way- the absolute best that it can be for me.

Every single meal I eat, every single snack I steal, has to be perfect. Down to the very execution of each bite, I have developed a serious habit of stacking my food and creating my plates so that each and every meal is filled with perfection. Bite by bite.

Growing up, on the weekends my dad would always get sandwiches for us for lunch. From Blimpie. Every saturday basically, we would have huge sub sandwiches with chips. It was DELICIOUS. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this. Anyway, I would get a turkey one with provolone cheese and lettuce and oil and vinegar and tomato. It was amazing, but only with a bit of preparation.

You know the way that when they make those sandwiches they just slice the turkey all over it but it mostly piles up in the middle? Then by the time you get to the end of the roll the proportion of meat to bread has gone to crap. So the first thing I would do with my sandwich was open it up and rearrange it. Guaranteed perfection in every bite. And my father? He would just take a big old bite RIGHT into the thing. And then proceed to criticize me for picking everything apart. He would always say … just eat it! It’s a sandwich! Why do you have to pick everything apart?

So that is just a little snippet anyway. I still pick things apart. But only to put them back together again and enjoy every savory bite of it. So yes… I am quite literally… a picky eater. =D

Inspired by The Daily Post